"What was I thinking?" Being as honest as I possibly could, I asked myself many questions:

What do I see when I look at the world and the people around me? Am I able to perceive Krsna in every atom? Can I sense the infinite soul within every creature? Is this process of Yoga giving me realizations that are beyond my perceptual reality? Is the concept of Maya just one vague idea of illusion that I am merely aware of because of the chaos around me? Am I practicing Bhakti Yoga or Karma Yoga? Do I know the difference? Which plan did I buy into? What is the conclusion of the Bhagavad Gita As It is? Do I know it? If I do, do I agree?'

Krsna says, in the conclusion to the Bhagavad Gita: (Sarva-Dharmaan Parityaja, Maam Ekam Sharanam Vraja, Aham Tvaam Sarva Paapebhyo, Mokshayishaaymi Maa Shuchah). "Abandon ALL varieties of religion and simply surrender unto me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. DO NOT fear". Srila Prabhupada explains in this purport that after giving Arjuna all the different processes of perfection, Krsna is asking Arjuna to simply give them ALL up and just surrender unto Him.

Did I understand what this meant? Am I sure? Does "Sarva Dharmaam" here also include my tribal affiliations with rituals and cultural details? Is my goal here to become a Bengali or a Hindu? What's going on here? What was I doing?'

Most of us came to Krsna Consciousness to avoid the dogma of organized religion. But as I looked around with my imperfect vision, I saw three classes of devotees:

1) Those of us who are crusading for some monopoly of purity on behalf of their guru, (?)
2) Those who were sparring to exorcise the demons that have possessed the body of Mahaprabhu's mission, (?) and
3) Those who just want to chant the names of the Lord and depend on Krsna for all outcomes. (!)

I thought about what happened with the Gaudiya Math after Srila Bhaktisidhanta left the planet. I see this happening still among our God brothers and God sisters, and between the Maths. As with every other church in the history of mankind, some of our Vaishnava congregations have become tribal, righteous, adversarial, argumentative, belligerent, territorial and outright hostile. I was in denial about this for some time. But when I asked the senior leaders of these groups about the boundaries, the bickering, and the monopolies of purity, remarkably, I did not get one single response, just a lot of fan mail from God brothers who share the same sentiments. (See http://www.vnn.org/editorials/ET9906/ET24-4156.html) Nevertheless, we continue to hear diverse innuendoes that declare, "My guru is the only way!", (...and, of course, Christianity comes to mind). Meanwhile, the IRG and others continue to crusade that they have the solution to all that they perceive as wicked. (?) †

The good news is that there is no disgrace whatsoever in all these transgressions which appear to have riddled the Vaishnava society. This folly is the natural turn of evolvement. This is the way that it is intended to happen by the Lord. This is the way it has always happened. This formula was written and implemented, beyond our control, by the Lord's very own external energy, and there is absolutely nothing at all that you or I can do about it. This is the beauty of the reality.

If you have a Judeo or Christian heritage you may remember the allegory of the Tower of Babel. In this biblical story, man had gotten so persistent on reaching Heaven that they began to build a physical tower (go figure). In order to extinguish their efforts the Lord spread a multitude of languages (perceptions) amongst them and cut off all their communications. All these different tongues rendered their endeavors impossible and all work ceased. When I placed this parable into the equation, the corollary was clear. The higher the tower to heaven, the more elaborate the confusion.

Watching VNN had become no different than watching CNN. I began thinking. No matter what my controversy, i.e., "Ritvik" or "non-ritvik", "poison or natural causes", "final order" or "the 12", "guru does not fall down" or "guru falls down", "my guru is better than your guru" or "guru is one", "original books" or "edited books", etc., there was a simple answer! I didn't have to search very deep at all.

"If I am fighting for or against any one of these demons," I realized, "then I am enraptured by the elaborate deception". It was as simple as that.

If this was the case, then I very much needed to internalize my Krsna Consciousness away from all that external polluting noise. In the morning, before all my duties, I needed to be more thoroughly focused in on my personal dialogue with Paramatma, bathing my mind with Japa (as prescribed), humbly expecting, and listening for a reply.

It came to me when I least expected it; the good news in all the chaos was that there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. The chaos is in perfect order.

Below the atom, in the sub-atomic level there exists a network of charges called electrons, quarks, bosons and maisons. Quantum theorists explain that these particles are no longer matter. They are impulses before action, possibly the thoughts and desires of the living entities broken down to the most primordial level, prior to manifestation. If that is the occurrence, we might be able to say that this is the plane of mental acquisition, "Bhuvaha", just beyond our perceptual reality.

Whatever the interpretation, it is clear from the ground up, from the sub-atomic to the universal cosmos, that there is order in the apparent random chaos of this material manifestation, and that such order is the Lord Himself.

† "The effects which follow the constant and intense a concentration upon evil are always disastrous. Those who crusade, not for God in themselves, but against the demons in others, never succeed in making the world better, but leave it either as it was, or sometimes even perceptibly worse than it was before the crusade began. By thinking primarily of evil we tend, however excellent our intentions, to create occasions for evil to manifest itself."