An offering to the sincere followers who always sit at Srila Prabhupada's Lotus Feet

Hare Krishna! Please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada the top most swan like devotee of Lord Shri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu who has been personally picked sent and empowered by Shri Shri Gour Nitai to spread Their Sankirtan Movement which will bring the chanting of Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare to every town and village in the world.

These words are dedicated to my dear godbrothers and sisters, this is my account of my trip to be with His Divine Grace in the last 2 weeks of Srila Prabhupadas time here with us. Please forgive me as I have many shortcomings as a writer, as a disciple and godbrother of you all but by His Divine Grace's help may I put together an account of some clarity. Some of my godbrothers have told me that my experiences may also be of interest, some accounts they say they have never heard before?

I need to explain that the exact dates I heard Srila Prabhupada speak (within His Divine Graces bedroom) can not be remembered by me or the sequences in time but according to events in time I can remember some, certainly many things I heard may of been forgotten so as I grow old its necessary to record them. All of the accounts actually happened as I have no so amazation to cerate such pastimes. I only heard them or saw them take place, it is up to you my godbrothers and sisters to believe them or not. As I am a very minor disciple of Srila Prabhupada and my older godbrothers have already related many of these accounts. I never wrote them down preferring to remember them within myself.

The fact that I had such little time directly with Srila Prabhupada I have held on to these words and events, still today they are clear, to tell you all quite frankly they have been replayed in my mind thousands and thousands of times. Recently thou there have been many speculations by some devotees as to what was really happening within Srila Prabhupadas room then, I do not pretend to know the full accounts, some have been found on tapes recorded at the time and some I am afraid may of been lost or hidden at this time.

As I have never heard any reports of Srila Prabhupada last darshan spoken to a hand full of devotees the night of 11-13-77 it has also been recorded by me here within, along with everything else I can remember. As I write may Srila Prabhupada bless me with His Divine Grace of Remembrances.

Why and How it became possible for me to go to Vrindaban

WE knew Srila Prabhupada health was very bad, reports were always coming in To New Dwaraka and being read every morning by Ramesvara Swami after Tusli Puja . The July 7 letter never made it to New Dwaraka, there was no mention of this at the morning programs, at least to the devotees. I personally saw this letter 3 years ago! I was engaged as a cow dung squeezer, colour mixer, ceramic pot maker and finally fiber glass murti sander to sum it up we were artist apprentices to Srila Prabhupadas finest ever artist Bharatraja Prabhu from December of 1974 until August of 1977 at New Dwaraka . Our service was producing the First American Theist Exhibition or commonly referred to then as F. A. T. E. As fate had it, our services there were coming to an end with the exhibition artwise at least completed.

We also produced together a duplicate of the changing body exhibit after completing all the dioramas within the New Dawaraka Exhibition. Bimbasya Prabhu our production manager was sent to present photos to Srila Prabhupada in Shri Dham Mayapur of the finished Dioramas and to report to His Divine Grace the news of an offer by an award-winning photographer (from United Press International.) The photographer wanted to place the "Changing Bodies" on top of a mountain, photograph it and have the picture run in every Sunday supplement in the World!! Bimbasaya although an older man in his latter 40s had just been newly 2^nd iniated by Srila Prabhupada . It was his first time to India . When he returned to New Dwaraka he was not so much his jolly self coming back .

Later with the second"Changing Bodies "entering into its final stages Bibasya confided to me what had taken place when he had his first darshan with Srila Prabhupada . He showed His Divine Grace the photos of the completed FATE project and Srila Prabhupada was very pleased but when he presented the request by the famous photographer suddenly Srila Prabhupada became furious roaring like a lion at Bimbasyas which he said lasted almost an hour, "that under no circumstances could we do this for this karmi. "If he wants to photograph the "Changing Bodies"he can do so in our Exhibition . We do not take orders from karmis". Thus Bimbasya came directly back to New Dwaraka to tell Ramesvara Swami the news . Ramesvara's reply was "Srila Prabhupada doesn't understand how important this man is and what he can do for our movement, we will do it anyway"and they did . Bhrataraj Prabhu after learning latter that I also knew what Srila Prabhupadas order was made me promise that I did not tell Bhaktisiddanta Prabhu who was the main artist needed to finish the diorama and I agreed, so I also became implicated in directly not following Srila Prabhupadas wishes. If Bhaktisiddanta Prabhu knows he will stop and the whole project will be cancelled. I know now that this was a foolish mistake not telling him. The diorama was built using BBT money Srila Prabupadas profits off the sales of his books . A uhaul truck 30 feet long was rented, the whole studio of 20 some devotees took the diorama up into the mountains of eastern LA and had the photographer come and make his photos and money with BBT profits. The picture did appear in Sunday Newspapers was thrown out the next day and the man won award for the best photograph of the year. He was also famous for the photo of the little girl being napalmed running naked crying during the Vietnam war .

A great success! And I now wonder why ? How? Ramesvara since leaving ISKCON was never been heard of by anyone . ? Absolutely no contact for now over 15 years. We then made a mould of the diorama but I never saw anymore"changing bodies "after that. It certainly wasn't a success for me. This is the first time I have ever told this story for 20years.

As we all knew Srila Prabhupadas time with us was very limited it seemed senseless for me to stay in Los Angeles any longer and I wanted to go to India to at least get abit of association with Srila Prabhupada but it wasn't easy to get permission to leave. One travelling devotee Abhinanda Prabhu came to New Drawaka that summer and he was part of the India BBT Library party. I told him my services there were finishing up but that of not being able to get permission to leave. We were not encouraged ever to visit India.

He told me"you must go to Ramesvar Swami and tell him your greatly sexually disturbed and if he didn't give you permission to go to India you would leave Krishna Consciousness". What is this ? I wasn't sexually disturbed, but if the story would help me get a way to India to be with Srila Prabhupada I was willing to try. At that time the temple knew the devotees were all worried about the health of Srila Prabhupada we all wanted to go. The temple leaders were afraid if devotees left then who would carry on the temple management, how would the bills be paid? That was the point being put forth at least. So you just would simply not be given permission to leave. As I was a brahmachari with an expendable service such as a cow dung squeeser I guess I was not so important to Ramesvara.

I still had to meet with him twice with my story of uncontrollable sexual desires. His first instructions were to read from CC the parts of Krishnas pastimes with the gopies! I left his meeting amazed with such stupid advice (Srila Prabhupada had just finished cleaning up the first Gopi Bhava Club the year before and here was a leader telling me to exclusively read these sections of the CC as a cure for sexual problems)? Later Abhinanda had Garga Muni Swami spring me and make some kind of trade to get me released from Ramesvara.

I was to collect on Sankirtan to get the bus money and go at once to Louisville Ky . There I was put in the care of Kavichandra Swami (the only leader in ISKCON Which I never experienced even abit of a cheating mood) I was given further facility at Kavichandras preaching center/temple to collect money to go at once to India. Day after day I collected at it seemed the same street light, selling incense, asking each car for a few cents.

Day after day I gave the money collected to Kavi Chandra Swami and he kept record of my earnings. I remember the first amount given to him, he laugh at me. "You have given me this amount so thank you, now I can keep it, so what can you do about it"? There was a moment of silence . "Tomorrow you can go out and collect more"still silence", Pita das, let me teach you a lesson, always get a receipt when you give money to someone from now on. "

I cant not express how much I respect Maharaja for this simple lesson, as he knew what kinds of things and situations I would meet in the future, just because they are dressed as devotees I just couldn't trust the people I may meet on my travels was the lesson . One day he told me you now have enough money for a ticket. As I remember celebrating Vayas Puja in that center with Kavichandra Swami , with Maharaj asking us to all write offerings to His Divine Grace I date the time of my arrival in Bombay in September. I arrived from London the day Srila Prabhupada was to leave Bombay to go to Vrindaban.

Darshan of One who's joy was beyond his body

Feeling most fortunate to be able to arrive there just in time to see Srila Prabhupada I was in great ecstasy.

We all had heard of how sick Srila Prabhupada was, devotees were telling me to prepare myself as, Srila Prabhupadas physical appearance had changed (due to not being able to eat hardly anything for so many months). His Divine Grace was staying in his still uncompleted rooms in the right wing tower of the hotel at Hare Krishna land. The lift could only go down at the time and all the devotees were waiting within the lobby of the hotel holding kirtan. Even though I was warned to prepare myself aponing seeing His Divine Grace in such a pitiful condition I was totally crushed, Srila Prabhupada seemed to be living within a dead body, His Lotus form thinned to the bone, Srila Prabhupada was within a wheelchair as Tamal Krishna Maharaj wheeled His Divine Grace out of the lift. The Kirtan continued but without joy, we all cried to see his weaken state , to many devotees this would be their last darshan and they knew it. It took a long time getting Srila Prabhupada out of the wheelchair and in to the awaiting car, every moment causing His Divine Grace pain.

When Srila Prabhupada finally was placed within the back seat Srila Prabhupada struggled to lift His Lotus hands in pranams, not even able to completely place them together. Floods of tears were coming, it was a horrible sight to see, and as painful as it was for Srila Prabhupada and for us seeing him like that His Divine Grace still tried to please his devotees by offering us pranams goodbye This seemly small action was done with very great effort, it was a terribly sad moment . Then the car was off many of us started to run after seeing Srila Prabhupada within. I remember I ran and ran with the car as I could still see Srila Prabhupada but the car started to go faster but I continued running still seeing His Divine Grace within . I thought "you've just arrived and Srila Prabhupada is going, keep running you fool"but how long could I run?

By time the car made its way to the Juhu Bus station it was impossible to run any longer and Srila Prabhupada was spend away to Vrindaban. As I remember, They were taking His Divine Grace to Vrindaban by train! Why I didn't take a taxi and follow the car I lament now! I slowly walked the way back.

Serving the order of the spiritual master is higher than associating with him

The temple and hotel at Hare Krishna Land was still under construction upon returning back all the devotees were still gathered out in front of the hotel saying we are all leaving . We are all going to Vrindaban to be with Srila Prabhupada! Gopal Krishna Prabhu (at the time) was running around speaking to each group, "you cant leave your service, there were many deadlines that had been promised to keep, serving Srila Prabhupada is higher than associating with him. "Gopal Krishna Prabhu I would see latter, would often get into this"I've got to convince you mood often"all pleading and nervous . "Oh, Oh, this is crazy, oh, oh, you just can't go to Vrindaban, who will, who will, "…. Running to each small group and he did convince a major portion of the devotees not to go at least at that time and that to serve Srila Prabhupada was actually higher than to be with His Divine Grace.

I would also like to inject that Gopal Krishna Maharaja is a greatly humble vaishnava . I wasn't to understand then, that it was Srila Prabhupadas desire for us all to leave Hare Krishna Land and come with him, but it was . His Divine Grace actually wanted us all to come, the leaders though kept this from us but, there were rumours Almost 4 weeks latter I would hear Srila Prabhupada often ask . "Why they do not come ? Who has come today"? Srila Prabhupada wanted us all to be with him, please understand this for sure, this request was not passed down to us like so many others have not been . Why did they do this ? because of the mood, Oh, oh, who will? Oh, oh. Instead of doing the needful to please Krishna pure devotee and the devotees (maybe there are even deeper reasons). ?

Yes it is true, that to serve the order of the spiritual master is higher than associating with him, but in this case the order was to associate ! Here again some controlling godbrothers through they knew more or better how to run His Divine Graces movement. Let it be known now that, … the only devotees that eventually did make it to be with Srila Prabhupada were devotees stationed in India at the time and a hand full of book distributors from the western countries.

After His Divine Graces Mahasamadhi many devotees from all over the world did come maybe over 200, I have no records of course but a sizeable amount more.

Garga Muni Swami who was the head of the BBT library party I had just come to Bombay to join, greeted me and welcomed me to India. He was a very kind and warm person but the first thing he asked me was if I had any dollars. As I had travel checks totalling 100$ I told him I didn't have dollars. Bhima Prabhu came the next day and gave him all his money. "Did you give him your money"? Bhima asked me, "no I didn't he asked for dollars I have checks"! . Garga Muni left the next week saying "I going to open a temple in Bangkok "and that was the last we saw of him.

One thing Garga Muni told me was of his last meeting with Srila Prabhupada there in Bombay. Garga Muni had made a chart of the map of India and placed colour circles in all the places where complete sets of Srila Prabhupadas books had been sold by his party, each colour relating to amounts sold and took the chart into show Srila Prabhupada. He told me upon seeing the chart and understanding the amounts sold Srila Prabhupada started to cry thanking him. "I can not stay in this movement after Srila Prabhupada leaves", he told me". Srila Prabhupada has gone to Vrindaban to leave his body" ". The temples are Maya for you brahmacaris. I want you all to get in the vans and go out to the colleges and sell books. There's no reason for you to even come back". Garga Muni then left for Bangkok, Palicka Mata ji took over a lot of the managing of the party from Bombay, a few days latter . I was sent with a group of 6 devotees to Gujarat they were Nrshinga Chaitanya Prabhu, Brshinga Prabhu, Bhima Prabhu, Mathura Prabhu, Canurai Prabhu and myself .

We had decided that if we received message of Srila Prabhupada condition getting worse(how it could of gotten worse is beyond me now but we were all under 30 years old some of us barley 20 then )we would all leave wherever we were and go at once to Vrindaban. Awaiting word from Palicka Mataji.

Serving in separation

Book Distribution on the BBT library was the most wonderful preaching I had ever experenced. We would enter a small town, which surprisingly had many Universities 20, or more, divide up into groups and visit each one selling to the library. Srila Prabhupadas books sold themselves, they really did, we only presented them to the librarians . If the principle of the school was devotee they brought the books and if they were not they practically asked us to leave, in one place the students threw rocks at me when I left. Gujurat is full of Krishna and Ram devotees with just a few demon type usually followers of a mayavadi cult by the name of Arya Samaja their founder, Swami Dynanan is the head demon long ago dead, thank Krishna but his sinful poison lives on in Gujarat thanks to his books. After one or two days we would move to the next place. I can remember selling 5 full sets of Srila Prabhupadas books in one day.

Our party leader was Nrshnga Chaitanya Prabhu we would sleep in Durga temples as they always seemed to have a free room for us, in barns, on the porches of rich men houses, in guesthouses or tourists bungalows as they were called. We would always rise early have nice morning programs together, chant all our rounds prepare kitri and popers offerings have Srimad Bhagavatam class take prasad and be out selling as soon as the schools opened .

I didn't know until latter that Nrshinga Chaitanya Prabhu was telegraming our sankirtan reports to Srila Prabhupada each day. He's what? He's telegramming Srila Prabhupada each day! "Hey, this is India Prabhu, we send our reports directly to Srila Prabhupada here!"And so it went, day after day, place after place, our van full of samples of the books quickly emptying out. (when some school or University ordered a set of Srila Prabhupada's books 80 volumes we would leave with them 3 books).

One day something happened to make us understand that it was time to leave for Vrindaban . Mathura Prabhu and myself came upon a temple of Shri Hanuman and entered to take his darshan, a sadhu looked at us as if we were mad. "Your Guru Maharaja is preparing to leave his body, what are doing here"? . He pleaded with us to drop everything and go to Vrindaban.

We left the temple at once forgetting to even take darshan. That evening we told the other prabhus about what the sadhu had told us. Still it was serving His Divine Graces order is higher than serving him directly philosophy but unlike before only 2 members of the party of 6 refused to leave Sankirtan and go to Vrindaban.

We took the van and left at once . Leaving Brsinga Prabhu and Bihma Prabhu behind. Please note this:of the 6 of us these two devotees are the only ones who are still actively serving full time within ISKCON today. They continued selling Srila Prabhupadas books until they heard of his departure threw the media and then came to Vrindaban having so much trouble getting there having to sleep in the train stations as there were no trains at the time. Bhima Prabhu after Srila Prabhupada Maha Samadhi continued on with the BBT work in Bombay saw that all our ordered taken were actually sent out to the libraries and married a niece of His Divine Grace.

Brsinhga Prabhu is now Brsinhga Maharaj and a real member of the sanyasis ashram having spent many years serving in Hong Kong, Philippines, China and Taiwan under very difficult situations which I was unable to bear I ran into Maharaja on one extremely hot day in Bangkok a couple of year's back. There he was in full sananyas dress going shop to shop selling His Divine Graces books. I paid him my obeisance's in the street! They didn't make it to be with Srila Prabhupada in Vrindaban for His Divine Graces last 2 weeks but they are the constant reciprocates of Srila Prabhupadas mercy.

Back home back to Godhead with Srila Prabhupada

Upon arriving at Krishna Balaram Mandir and paying our humble obeisance's in the dust of Shree Vrindaban Dham we were greeted by Bhavananda Swami. ". Come at once into Srila Prabhupadas room and pay your obeisance's, "he ordered us. Maharaj we have been driving all night to get here we’re dirty let us bath first before going to see Srila Prabhupada ". No, Srila Prabhupadas order is that all the newly arriving devotees were to come at once for darshan. " We entered from the garden courtyard door, the room was darkened, it was early afternoon and there was a glares of light coming from the sides of the room as we entered. I saw a person setting in a chair with the window light glaring in from behind and I took this to be His Divine Grace so I said out loudly, Jai Srila Prabhupada . We had heard some reports that Srila Prabhupada health was improving so much so that Srila Prabhupada was wanting now to leave Vrindaban for Mayapur thus I mistakenly through the person in the chair to be Srila Prabhupada and I offered my obeisaces but when I rose up and my eyes adjusted to the light I saw the person to be Tamal Krishna Goswami and not Srila Prabhupada, others in the room looked at me sympathetically as I soon saw His Divine Grace laying in the bed and not in the chair . Srila Prabhupada was extremely taken back by the effects of the illness, sunken within the sheets of the bed. We were able to sit at his bedside and hear his words with the devotees in the room, I don't remember for sure all that were there.

Srila Prabhupada was told of our arrival as we had been telegraming in our sankirtan reports to His Divine Grace. Bhavananda had told us how much Srila Prabhupada loved to hear our reports and the number of books that we had sold . We just sat and listened to Bhavananda and Tamal Krishna Goswami speaking to Srila Prabhupada. There wasn’t conversation going on all the time, long periods of time were spent silently waiting for Srila Prabhupada to say something .

We would chant japa or Kirtan would be going on in His Divine Graces room. The conversation that day was on the passing of one of Srila Prabhupadas godbrothers Bhakti Valas Thirtha Maharaj a few weeks before. Srila Prabhupada was saying how he left his body in hospital with tubes coming out and how horrible a death like that must have been. Srila Prabhupada said"I have always feared this hospitalisation". What has stuck in my mind of that day was this. Bhavananda said how envious of a man Bhakti Valais Thirtha Maharaj was towards you Srila Prabhupada, what is his fate now? Srila Prabhupada said, "He went back home back to Godhead"Bhavananda amazed by hearing this said, "but Srila Prabhupada he was so critical of you! How can that be? "Srila Prabhupada reply was, "that seemly criticalness of me was insignificant…, he served our Spiritual Master for his entire life and now our Guru Maharaj has taken him back, back home to Godhead . "

Srila Prabhupada then requested kirtan and we were instructed that we must only chant the maha mantra and very softly . If you can imagine singing at your lowest level of volume that is what Srila Prabhupada requested . This kirtan went on most of the time within Srila Prabhupadas room everyday. The only person permitted to sing other than maha manta was Hamsadutta Swami. He would sing all the songs from the Vaishnava Acarya Song book and Srila Prabhupada enjoyed hearing his kirtan.

Jaya Radha, Jaya Krishna, Jaya Vrindaban and all the places of Lord Shri Krishna pastimes were manifest within Srila Prabhupada room for His Divine Graces remembrance. Srila Prabhupada very much liked to listen to Hamsaduttas Swamis bajans. We stayed in Srila Prabhupada room the first day at least 3 or 4 hours engaged mostly in soft kirtan while Srila Prabhupada would rest or talk to devotees that came into the room. Srila Prabhupada would comment about the sounds of the Vrindaban atmosphere, the sounds of the arotic within Krishna Balaram temple.

One day hearing the sounds of the conch being blown and the aroti being performed he said, "the highest service one can perform in devotional service is that of pujari always serving the Lord directly, touching Him, feeding and bathing Him cooking for Him, dressing Him, putting Him to rest, associating with the Lord directly it is the perfection of human life"I remember this clearly as I had been constantly told before while on Radha Damodarra Travelling Sankirtan party that to be a book distributor was the highest service. Here Srila Prabhupada had his own opinion and I was hearing it from His Divine Grace directly. One devotee came into the room and after a while that devotee complained that his room in the guest house was right over the a kirtan where the bogus mantra.

Nitai Gour, Radhe Syam, Hare Krishna Hare Ram was being chanted continually. Srila Prabhupada told him I will give you another mantra and you can chant this (to kinda counter act what you are hearing) Nita Gour, Radhe Syam, Jaya Krishna Balaram, "this is a bonified mantra we can chant this in our temples". The other mantra being a concocted one by a devotee who did not understand that Nitai is also Lord Balarama and Gouranga Mahaprabhu as Radha Syamasundra combined. As we were all at Shree Shree Krishna Balaram Mondir we were all very happy to hear Srila Prabhupada correct the bogus mantra and replace it with the glorification of Shree Shree Krishna Balaram. Everyday we were encouraged to spend as much time as we wished in Srila Prabhupada room. Our service was to Partake in the quite kirtan to the side of Srila Prabupadas bed but sometimes there was no kirtan going on and I would sit and listen to Srila Prabhupada talk to different devotees.

Every day Srila Prabhupada would ask Who has come today? And …, "Why are they not coming? "…". Why did Bhagavan go? ". but there were no answers to His Divine Graces questions.

One afternoon there were many devotees in the room and we were all crowded around Srila Prabupadas bed and Srila Prabhupada said :"You all have good mothers", …. . we all looked at each other dumbfounded with the look like (our mothers are all meateaters) and then Srila Prabhupada said "the nature of the mother is passed to the sons…. . you are all such good boys…. , such good devotees, … it is because you all have very pious mothers. You are all good association I have the best association here among you . ". Srila Prabhupada then said "My Guru Maharaj left this world out of discus for his disciples but I have no discus with you all, I am very happy with you, you all are so devoted to me, he said, "

When Srila Prabhupadas dear friend and godbrother Krishna das Babaji Maharaja would come to visit with Srila Prabhupada, he would say,, "Babaji Maharaja look how Krishna Conscious my disciples are, they are all so devoted to me, look how they love me so"and of course we all did and do and it only made us love Srila Prabhupada more . Then they would speak in Bengali together .

At times seeing Srila Prabhupada so ill, so weak, the devotees would sometimes cry while speaking to Srila Prabhupada and His Divine Grace would say, "why are you crying"? "Death is a natural thing". "We cant bear to think Srila Prabhupada you will die, and Srila Prabhupada would say"I will never die, I will live for ever within my books. "And Srila Prabhupada would console us about his departure.

"How will we communicate with you after your disappearance Srila Prabhupada? and Srila Prabhupada said"I will communicate with you within your dreams from within your hearts ". This was all heard by me within Srila Prabhupada room. One day Giriraj Swami came in from I think Nepal, he submitted a report of ISKCON preaching there. We were all crowded around His Divine Graces bed like eggs, some of the devotees there at the time included Tamal Krishna Goswami, Giriraj Swami, Jaya Adwaita Swami, Bhakti Caru Swami, Chusukanada Prabhu, Ahbinanda Prabhu, Jaya Pataka Swami, Bhavananda Swami, Canurari Prabhu, Mathura das Prabhu,, myself and others.

Srila Prabhupada said "of my disciples, … I see no one who has my qualities but if we look at them individually then I can see some of my qualities in this or that one and if I look at you all together then some percentage of my qualities I do see, so I think you can carry on this movement. If you all work together . . The test for your love for me will be shown how well you work together. "The last part of this statement is very famous, as it has become almost a slogan within Iskcon after His Divine Graces Maha Sadamhi. The first part though I have never heard repeated again within the society of devotees. Srila Prabhupada then stressed to us how serious Maya was in her service to Lord Krishna "she will crush you"! "You are all just young boys, you do not understand but she will crush you if you do not take cent per cent shelter of Krishna"Srila Prabhupada was clearly worried for us and for the movement after his physical departure. His Holiness Naranaya Maharaj came to see Srila Prabhupada with or almost at the same time accompanied by His Holiness Bon Maharaj .

Srila Prabhupada spoke to them in Hindi and also in English Srila Prabhupada asked his godbrothers to forgive him if he had offended them with his criticism . He said sometimes in preaching you must say something's as examples for his disciples they may of offended them and that he was sorry if he had and asked their forgiveness(the actual words I have forgotten) then His Holiness Narayana Maharaj said no ", it is we that need to beg forgives from you can never offend, You are our Guru. At this point we were asked to leave the room or we just left I do not remember . As I was returning to go back into the room I saw Tamal Krishna Maharaj and His Holiness Bon Maharaj talking along side of Krishna Balarama Mondir. Tamal Krishna Maharaj was seeing Bon Maharaj to the gate and I came up to them and listened to their conversation .

Bon Maharaja looked at us both and said"Srila Prabhupada is now preparing to re-enter Radha Krishna Nitya Lilla, do not hate Krishna for taking Srila Prabhupada away from you. "It is now his time to return. I was in denial that Srila Prabhupada would actually leave. Srila Prabhupada was still translating Srimad Bhagavatam . Jaya Adwaita Swami would hold the microphone and read the verses to Srila Prabhupada and His Divine Grace was still translating everyday right up to the 13^{thof November} the day before he stopped speaking to us. Upon re-entering His Divine Graces room Srila Prabhupada after awhile wanted to discuss his Maha Sadmahi arrangements. He told us where the samahi would be placed, how deep the whole should be that needed to be dug . That His Holiness Narayana Maharaj would help us and he said he wanted his Lotus body buried in salt. He said "this is the same way that my Guru Maharaj has been buried. The body will remain preserved for hundreds of years and no insects will attack. "After this time there was a request being made that someone was needed to actually dig the whole to place Srila Prabhupadas Lotus body in. I was asked to do it, this must have been the 13^th morning sometime . I agreed and was given a shovel to literally dig Srila Prabhupadas grave in the place in the front right-hand side of Krishna Balaram temple.

I just went to the spot with the shovel without thinking and started . The ground was all sand and very easy to dig but after a few minutes I threw the shovel down and told the devotees watching me I can not do it, I just can not dig Srila Prabhupadas grave, ! Srila Prabhupadas is still alive! How can I dig His Divine Graces grave? !!! One devotee from New Dwarka his name was I think was Kripanihi das, took the shovel from me and said he could and he did, he worked all day by himself digging a huge whole about 10 feet square and at least 10 feet deep.

There was as to be a festival some few days after Srila Prabhupadas Lotus body was to be placed into the ground where all of Srila Prabhupadas godbrothers present would be asked to speak.

Should we allow Bon Maharaj to speak Srila Prabhupada? And Srila Prabhupada said "yes let him speak". "He will certainly say something bad"Bhavananda Swami said. "Srila Prabhupada are you sure you want him to speak. "? and Srila Prabhupada said"yes let him speak". (at this festival Bon Maharaj spoke but only in Hindi, as I had heard this before I asked one Indian devotees to tell me what Bon Maharaj was saying as he spoke. The devotee told me then that Bon Maharaja was saying that he never preached to hippies to become devotees like Srila Prabhupada he Bon Maharaj only preached to the intellectual class of men . But when you preach to westerns along with this comes western money and he motioned towards the temple.) One day Srila Prabhupada said that he wanted a million dollars put into a permanently fixed account where the money could never be taken out and only the interest drawn . This money was to be used to renovate all the lost or hidden places of Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhus pastimes and his parashot (the associates) there was discussion of which places were the most important to renovate first, places in Bangladesh, West Bengal or in Orissa ?

Srila Prabhupads order was to go to the places in West Bengal first, but before that, money was to go to Srila Prabhupadas Godbrother Sridhar Maharaj to finish his temple in Nabadipa. Srila Prabhupada said his godbrother Sridhar Maharaj had worked his whole life to establish this temple and still it was not finished, "he is old now I would like that he sees it finished before he passes away. "This later became known as the Bhaktivedanta Charity Trust. Srila Prabhupada then started talking about his disciples that he had given sanyasa to". If they fall down after my departure you can not reinstate them they can never be sanyasa again, "he said". If you reinstate them it will never stop(their fall down)You can not forgive them, only I can do this".

All of Srila Prabhupadas words were recorded, all of this has been recorded on tape. I now understand that 72% are now missing from the tape archives. One day maybe they will come to light and what I am telling you prabhus now you will all hear for yourselves. ! {One year after this time I went to help Tamal Krishna Maharaj in his zone in Dallas and Houston I was engaged as pujari and life membership as we worked on the altar we would listen to these tapes. Sankarsan Prabhu was in charge of the Radha Damodarra Tape Ministry and he one day showed me all of the tapes recorded within Srila Prabhupada room during the many months that Tamal Krishna Maharaj was acting as Srila Prabhupadas secretary. Sankarsan told me that the tapes were given to him by Tamal Goswami Maharaj and his task was to listen to all of the tapes and name them . He even was selling them for this new tape ministry and advertised them for sale in ISKCON WORLD REVIEW .

He asked me if I could help him listen to them so we could give them titles . I knew this was very out of the ordinary that these tapes were there and not in LA with the BBT tape ministry. Sankarsan made copies of tapes for me to listen to. I wasn't interested in hearing the tapes while I was present in Vrindaban but I did take maybe 5 or 10 tapes record during the summer of 77. I held on to these tapes for years but as I have travelled so much over the years I have lost track of them .

Although Srila Prabhupada Lotus form was wilted His Divine Graces mind was as sharp as ever or even more so. Srila Prabhupada was at His top most stage of ecstasy, a life surrendered cent per cent in pure devotion to Lord Krishna. He once said"I have prayed all my life to Krishna to help me give up this eating, sleeping, matting and defending business and now Lord Krishna has answered my prayers". Srila Prabhupada said"I had given up the matting and defending and now the sleeping and eating have also gone"One day Srila Prabhupada complained that his sense of smell was also going. he said "these are signs of the last stages of life".