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EDITORIAL June 7, 1999 VNN4051 Comment on this story Real Respect For Women BY AMEYATMA DAS EDITORIAL, Jun 7 (VNN) — And Proper Training for Our Sons A major complaint lodged over the years by many ladies in ISKCON is that women as a class have not been given proper respect. I agree that many men have failed in that regard. But then many women are leery of Vedic culture, fearing that women are not properly respected in Vedic culture. They observe the feminist movement in the West, and they agree that women should be at least treated equally with men; and thus many have rejected Vedic culture in favor of siding with the feminist ideologies of the modern West. I am writing this article to show that Vedic culture actually promotes the highest respect for women. And that respect is genuine, given for the most proper spiritually and socially healthy reasons. But in Vedic culture the respect due women by men and men by women is different. In quality and quantity it is equal, but still it is very different. This article will address: What is the respect that women are given in Vedic culture? What are the qualifications necessary for them to receive the higher respect that should be given them? And in this regard, what is the proper training for young men so that they will naturally give the best respect to women? Women in general are very highly respected in Vedic culture, but the basis of that respect is the proper respect for chastity and motherhood. The typical Vedic mother is someone who is very chaste, pure-hearted, and faithful. Young children, including young boys, are trained by social customs to have the highest regard and respect for their birth mother. At five years old, when the boy is sent to his guru's ashram, part of his training is to see all other women as mother. Boys are trained to look upon all women (whether older, same-age, or younger girls) as mother, who must be cared for, and her chastity protected. And he is taught that his future duty in social life is to take full charge and care of his mother when she becomes elderly. This is a very important part of his education and cultural/social training. The son must understand that it will be his duty to care for, provide for, and protect his mother in her older age. Thus young men in Vedic culture see their own mother as someone to be very highly respected and honored with love, to be protected and cared for. Such healthy respect for mother is basic in Vedic families and in any wholesome family that is not broken and in which service to God is the center. From this basic foundation the young boy is also trained (Srila Prabhupad used this word "trained," meaning that we must make specific effort to teach and to instill this in our young men) to see all other women other then wife as mother. Fromthe solid foundation of genuine respect toward the birth mother derives a very real meaning to the social value of similarly respecting all other women as mother. When a boy is taught to see all women as mother, he naturally has a very high and healthy respect for all women. When this is learned properly, then even in adolescence--should he see a young woman and experience natural, sexual attraction--due to his cultural training he will see her also as mother. And thus naturally he will want to see that she is honored and respected, that her chastity is protected, and that proper care is given her. In real Vedic culture such attitude towards woman is ingrained into the young man's character. And that foundation of healthy respect prevails even towards a girl of contemporary age to whom he may feel somewhat attracted. This kind of training for our sons is needed to turn them into first-class men. But it is not a one-way street. Girls also must be trained, to be first-class wives; they must be trained to submissively serve such a first-class man. When both things are done properly--that is, when the boys are trained to become first-class men who honor and respect their own mother and also see all women other then wife as mother, and respect their chastity; and when the girls are trained to become submissive servants of such first-class men--then society will find real peace. Both sides must be trained - culturally. Then there will be first-class children born of such first-class men and women. And that is our mission: to train our children to become first-class human beings, so they can uplift and save this world. Aside from Krsna consciousness, this is the foundation. Srila Prabhupad, Lecture, 740405BG.BOM "And they used to call every woman from the beginning of life, "Mother." This is **training**. MŠtrvat para-dŠresu. From the very beginning of life, all women they are treated as mother. That is the system, Vedic system. Everyone will call a woman as "Mother." Never mind whether she is younger or older. It doesn't matter. Woman has to be addressed as "Mother." That is CŠnakya Pandita's instruction. Who is learned scholar? Who has got three qualification, he is learned scholar. What is that? MŠtrvat para-dŠresu: "To treat all woman as mother." Nowadays it has been introduced in India, "Bahinji." No. This is not the etiquette. The etiquette is to address every woman, never mind whether she is young or old, as "Mother." This is brahmacŠri. This is brahmacŠri." 751025mw.mau Devotee: Srila PrabhupŠda, should we call all the women "mother"? PrabhupŠda: Yes. And treat it like mother. Not only call, but treat it like mother. Harikesa: Actually we have not even any idea how to treat mother. PrabhupŠda: Learn it. At least mother should not be proposed for sex. This much you can learn. MŠtrvat para-dŠresu para-dravyesu lostravat, Štmavat sarva-bhŸtesu. " [To respect all women other than one's own wife as mother; to see another person's property as if pebbles in the road; to respect all living beings equally as one's self, then one is considered a learned scholar.] 750814SB.BOM "Pandita means mŠtr-vat para-dŠresu: "to accept all women as mother," para-dŠresu. DŠra means wife, and para means others'. Except his own wife, he should treat all women outside, taking them as mother. Therefore, still in Hindu society, every woman is addressed by an unknown man, "mother." It doesn't matter if a person is unknown. He can speak with another woman, addressing him first..., addressing her first, "mother," "mŠtŠji." Then nobody will be offended. This is the etiquette. That is taught by CŠnakya Pandita. MŠtr-vat para-dŠresu. Woman should be addressed as "mother." " 731104RC.DEL "One has to understand that a lady should be respectfully called as mother. You call as mŠtŠ or mother, it doesn't matter. " 751102MW.NAI "PrabhupŠda: Yes. They should be addressed, "Mother." That will train. Indian man (4): In our Indian culture they don't call the name of the mother never, children don't. PrabhupŠda: No. "Mother," simply "mother," that's all. And if the woman treats man as son, then it is all right. It is safe. Indian woman: We got a very sweet sound. Everything we use "ji." "MatŠji", "Pitaji," "Brataji," "Bahinji." PrabhupŠda: Or... And the woman says, "Beta."[son]. That's all right. Devotee (5): The only trouble is in the West we're accustomed to not like our mothers. PrabhupŠda: Huh? Devotee (5): In the West we don't like our mothers. PrabhupŠda: So you should forget your West or East. " This is a very important duty of our schools, our teachers, our gurus, our fathers, our society: to train up such first-class, young men who will be qualified to lead and uplift this world. And other than direct Krsna consciousness, this is the most important training for our sons. First, train them in Krsna consciousness; next, train them to have highest respect for mother and to treat all other women with the same respect given mother; thirdly, teach occupation and academics. But if a young man can learn to see all women as mother; to see other persons' property as if it were stool or stones on the ground; and to respect all living entities, seeing everyone as spirit soul; then he is first-class educated. That is the Vedic standard of learning. And that must be the standard in our schools as well. Krsna consciousness along with cultural training will make our young men first-class. Not academics. To train our sons to have the highest respect for birth mother and to respect all other women except wife as mother--this is what will create first-class men in society. The result of such training is that society will be free of agitation. The women will be satisfied, because they will feel secure, cared for, and truly respected for the proper reasons--not artificially respected for artificially trying to act like men, but genuinely respected for being chaste women. (Yes, ultimately we are all equal spirit souls, but we are now speaking socially, how society functions.) This is the only way for women to be genuinely satisfied. And men also. First-class men are not pleased with women who try to act like men, but first-class men will naturally be respectful to a chaste mother or lady. Men naturally like to assume responsibilities. They feel satisfied knowing they are protecting women worthy of protection. The result of not training our men to become first-class should be obvious, this modern society in which we now live is the result. And the result of giving our children "Krsna consciousness" and academics but not training them in Vedic culture is practically not much better. We have seen devotee-born boys. For many, their main interest at the temple is how to talk with the teenage devotee girls. Because they have had no cultural training, they are not seeing these girls as mother, whose strict chastity is to be respected. Rather, they see them as objects of sense enjoyment. Some may say that they see the girls as (God)sisters but that is also dangerous. With sister you can joke and laugh and relax. But other than wife, one should see and respect all women and teenage girls like mother. Instead, these boys want to keep company with the girls to enjoy with them, to enjoy their talking, laughing, etc. Therefore, they are seeing the girls as objects of enjoyment. When one sees a girl as an object of enjoyment, one is not thinking how to protect her chastity; one is not thinking how to protect, but how to exploit. These boys aren't concerned to respect the girl as mother or potential mother, respecting her purity or faithfulness; instead, the young men think only of having fun, enjoying themselves with the girls. This is exploitation. It all leads to and is a subtle form of illicit sex. It is very agitating and degrading to both the girls and the boys, and to the entire community and society. Among our Sons, Where are the Brahmacaris? I was brahmacari for eight years after joining the temple. It was such a carefree time. And the experience of being (or trying to be) staunch, fixed in the spirit of renunciation, remains with us lifelong. It gives one strong character and cultural foundation. (Another devotee who joined ISKCON in the 70's was telling me that after being a devotee for several years someone asked him about his tilak. When they asked if the women also wore it, he realized he really didn't know because he never looked at the devotee women's faces. He always looked down toward their feet when he had to deal with them. That is chastity for young men. That is brahmacari training). But where is this in our young male children? Instead (at least here in Alachua) the teenage boys are spiritually weak and pathetic. Strength comes in controlling the mind and senses. Yet, every chance our young men get they are in the association of the young girls--sitting on the benches just outside the temple; loitering in the company of young, unwed girls; laughing and joking. They have no idea what it is to be staunch. They have no idea to gain *tejas* by controlling the mind and senses. What kind of leaders will they be? Weak characters only. No control, no *tejas*--only taking pleasure in the company of young, unwed girls. This makes them spiritually very weak. It forces them to only see the girls as objects of sense pleasure, seeking pleasure in their talking and laughing; no understanding as to the importance of chastity; not trying to protect their chastity; rather, breaking down young girls' chastity by constant association. What kind of husbands will they be? They don't appreciate chastity, they don't honor and respect the purity of motherhood, they don't act to protect unwed girls' chastity--how can they properly respect, honor, care for, and protect a wife? They may have had years of some level of Krsna consciousness training--they can play mrdunga, they *can* chant japa (but rarely do we see them with japa bag)--but their minds are not controlled; their minds are glued to enjoying in the company of young unwed girls, not on spiritual advancement. Some completed high school with scholarships to go on to college, but despite their Krsna consciousness training, despite their academic education--because they have had no Vedic cultural training--they are spiritually weak, uncontrolled, unqualified, unfit to lead our society, and unfit to marry and guide even one wife. (Please forgive my offenses if I am speaking a bit harsh. But, it is the truth. Of course, I am sure there are some qualified young men, but the majority of those I have observed have not received adequate cultural training). The point is that we have failed and are still failing to properly train our sons and daughters. But the formula for training them as first-class is given by Srila Prabhhupad. We must understand these things and implement them. Our ISKCON women so often complain that they have not/are not being properly respected; and now our young men are doing no better at this than their fathers. The Vedic system of first respecting one's own mother and then respecting all other women as mother is the only actual, comprehensive way to bring about the best and most healthy level of respect for women in society. No other things, like making the ladys temple presidents or GBCs or praising them for so many other so-called qualifications, will bring about a true change in society. As Srila Prabhupad has said, we must forget our Western (or even Eastern) ideas and LEARN how to properly respect our own mother and then carry on with that very same respect towards all other women. This is the only means to net the results we all want; and it will create a healthy, religious, and pious society where both the men and women will feel satisfied and peaceful. Currently there is so much agitation--agitation for so-called equal rights. But all movement in that direction is destined to fail, as it is not based on Veda, or absolute knowledge. It is based on *maya* (illusion) and false pretense only. It will create only more and more agitation. It is not the solution. The only solution is Vedic culture. But just as men must see all women as mother, the women must also behave like real mothers. That means they must dress and act very chastely. A most unchaste thing for a woman is divorce and remarriage. Remarriage for a mother, Srila Prabhupad has said, makes her a prostitute. Motherhood means purity and chastity. This is what makes mother respectable. Divorce and remarriage of a mother is an insult to the purity of motherhood. Both the woman who remarries is insulting the concept of motherhood, and also so is the men who remarry a mother who has children from a former husband. Both are insulting and degrading the position of purity of motherhood and women in general. Paradoxically there are divorced and remarried women in our movement, however, who are most vocal for procuring more (so-called) respect and more leadership for such women in ISKCON. But in Vedic culture respect for women is not based on social leadership but upon chastity and faithfulness. Men who are really first-class (or at least aspiring to be, as in my case), while they will see ALL women as mother and thus respect ALL women in a proper way, still they will naturally reserve the most respect for the most chaste *matajis* in society. Not that they are disrespectful to the other women, but they will naturally afford the highest respect--and will want to see also that society gives the highest respect--to the genuinely chaste women. In ISKCON, however, we have mostly judged others according to one's service. If a *mataji* has done great service for Srila Prabhupad and this movement, we then have overlooked her unchaste behavior and given her all respect. But if we are to produce a functioning social culture, and if we are to produce a generation of elevated, saintly children, we must certainly incorporate the principles of social culture as well. We shall always respect on the basis of devotional service, but what we must add to this is to raise up the women to the standard of being respectably chaste as well. . This is the Vedic standard. We don't find in Vedic history any instance wherein a woman who has divorced and remarried is glorified and praised. (Other then the extremely rare instances like the prostitute Cintamoni. But she is not as highly respected as the chaste female devotees). Rather, we see that only the most chaste women are offered the highest respect. At least personally, that is what comes most naturally for me. I do not mind (in fact, I want) that our society gives the highest respect to the most chaste--and generally also quiet, shy, and soft-spoken--matajis who have been fully devoted to their husbands, their guru, and Krsna. If any *matajis* are to be given special respect in our society, that special respect must be reserved for the exemplars of fidelity and chastity. Of course, devotional service is foremost, but this chastity cannot be neglected; it is also an essential aspect of our devotional service to Krsna, just as being a responsible father and husband is an essential aspect of one's devotional service. (If we have a devotee wife and devotee children, then it is our service to Krsna to provide our best care for them.) Otherwise, to elevate and give more respect and social positions of prestige to mothers who are not chaste, and to ignore or not give special respect to those who are actually chaste, is actually an insult to motherhood and an insult to Vedic culture. I am not advocating disrespect to anyone--just that we reserve and give our highest respect to those who are most deserving to receive it. That will best serve society, as it will inspire others to follow the higher moral path. It can be seen even in the modern society as well that the further a woman strays from chastity, the less and less (even nondevotee) men have any respect for her. For example, nondevotees refer to a woman who freely sleeps with many different men as a "slut"--quite a derogatory term. Men and women alike hold virtually no respect for such a woman (or for the men who use her). Nondevotees have virtually no respect for such unchaste women. They call them derogatory names and treat them with indignity. Especially, even the men who use such women will treat them with utmost indignity; men who make use of prostitutes consider and treat them like trash, to be used and then discarded. My point is to illustrate that even among the most degraded nondevotees chastity nevertheless remains the gauge by which a woman is either respected or disrespected in society. We see that in Vedic culture the most respected women in history are those who were very strictly chaste and faithful wives. However chaste, however faithful and loyal a wife is, to that degree she is respected in Vedic culture. Gandhari, the wife of Dhrtarastra Dhrtarastra himself is given little respect in history. He is seen as selfish, blind to the truth, even willing to torture and have his brother's sons killed so that his own son can become ruler. But his wife, Gandhari, is hailed as one of the great historical women to be followed by all other women. Why? Not because of her husband but because of her chastity--her faithfulness and loyalty to her husband. Even though her husband was not very great, his heart was at times black, even he opposed Krsna and Krsna's devotees at times, yet Mother Gandhari is to be followed for her purity and faithfulness. Even though, in fact, partly because, she remained so faithful even to such a husband..Thus her chastity and faithfulness, her courage, her nobility, her purity of motherhood is gloried and praised. Yes her motherhood is glorified even though it was her son who was bent on disposing of the Pandavas, Krsna's devotees, cousin-brothers, and dearmost friends. Even she had a son like this, her purity of motherhood is glorified and to be followed. We do not find women who have divorced one husband and remarried another being exalted in Vedic culture, nor our Vaishnav culture up to the time of Srila Prabhupad. Nor do we find men who remarry a widowed or divorced mother given high respect. Chastity and chaste, faithful women are glorified throughout the Vedic literatures, because chastity and purity of mind and heart is a woman's strength. Motherhood, which is the very foundation of a society, is glorified for it's purity. There is little to be respected in a woman's having children by one man, then leaving him and having more children by another husband. That is degrading to the principles of motherhood, degrading to the woman, and degrading to the society. And naturally the first-class men of society do not honor or respect such unchaste behavior. In conclusion, we strive to encourage others--especially our teachers, fathers, and gurus, all of whom are society's natural leaders--to properly train our boys in the Vedic cultural way to respect all women: to train the son to offer the highest respect to mother; that it is his duty to care for and protect his mother; and to train the boys to see and respect all women other than wife as mother. Such men will become the best husbands. Nor will they over-intelligently see their own wife as mother, but will look upon her as the dearmost mother of their dearmost children, and thus naturally will give her all due respect, will properly care for her, protect her chastity, and see that she is happy in life. This is our challenge, to train such first-class men (and for us adult men, to train ourselves in this way). As Srila Prabhupad said, we must LEARN it. When the men shall rise to this level of gentlemen, then the women will automatically become less agitated, more satisfied, and peaceful. Then the entire social order will actually become peaceful. No other plan for giving women equal respect based on so-called equal rights will succeed. It is already a failure in society and will lead only to more failure. (These things can be LEARNED, even by the older men in society. If I am learning, others also can LEARN.) ys ameyatma das Comment on this story | Contact VNN about this story | Send this story to a friend
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