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EDITORIAL May 24, 1999 VNN3937 Comment on this story Admission Of Being Fallen BY NITYANANDA DAS EDITORIAL, May 24 (VNN) — Regarding the article by Suddhajiva das entitled, "The Poison of Nityananda," a friend offered to rise to "my defense," lest the devotees worldwide think that I be some kind of fallen, demented and rotten-hearted character full of innumerable faults, with a history of misdeeds and questionable achievements. But, this is a correct assesment, so I declined the offer. Krishna was arranging that I would be humbled once more. I need to be humbled, as I am full of false ego and false pride. Therefore, I thank Suddhajiva for helping me to advance a little more in spiritual life. How else may I ever hope to become as humble as a blade of grass without the help of my dear godbrothers and godsisters? In my imperfect attempts to serve Srila Prabhupada, I have made many mistakes and misjudgements. I apologize for them and regret them greatly. I hope to one day reach the stage of perfect and pure devotional service, although it remains a far-off goal. I readily admit that I am a good for nothing rascal. Why defend myself, or allow anyone else to do so? The world would have been a better place if I had not taken birth here, and I would have done away with myself long ago if it was not prohibited by sastra and Srila Prabhupada. My path through life is littered with disasters and failures, pain and distress, material desires and foolish acts. The only bright spot in my meagre existence is my association with His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada. For some unknown reason, or perhaps for no good reason at all and being simply causeless, I had the benediction of meeting Srila Prabhupada in 1969 and becoming His initiated disciple in 1970. Since then His Divine Grace has inspired me to try to serve Him, and I am still trying, although feebly, to do something that will please Him. Instead, it seems that I have very greatly upset at least Suddhajiva das, and many more as well, I am sure. Often, I contemplate whether I should quit the association of devotees, for their sake and my own peace of mind. I am definitely tempted to just disappear and never have a thing to do with the society of Vaishnavas ever again. But Srila Prabhupada ordered us to keep the association of devotees even when it becomes difficult, thus I cannot give it up. So here I am, still, asking for tolerance while I work on clearing my many faults. One look at VNN or an interview with any one of thousands of "outside" devotees reveals a devotee world rocked by trouble and discord. What a mess! The lawsuits, the child abuse, the mismanagement of temples and devotee's lives, and now the revelations about Srila Prabhupada's poisoning... how disturbing! Why put up with all this headache and often vicious quarrelling between devotees? Who and what is right? Everyone is proclaiming their view and path as the only correct one. Tit for tat, back and forth, etc. Therefore, I pray to Srila Prabhupada to guide me in proceeding cautiously, with sensitivity to other devotees and all living beings, remembering and understanding His instructions. I am embarrassed that I am entangled in this dispute the my godbrother Suddhajiva das. Srila Prabhupada expects that we resolve our differences amicably and perhaps even cooperate in His service. Admittedly, this has been very difficult in this dispute, and I am open to any constructive advice or suggestions anyone cares to offer. Every effort was made to negotiate or mediate a settlement between Suddhajiva and myself. Garuda Prabhu was unable to persuade Suddhajiva to come in for mediation. Suddhajiva walked out of and thus aborted a community meeting called to resolve the issues which concerned ALL the area devotees, not only myself. Suddhajiva disregarded numerous written appeals from me to discuss a settlement of our differences. Bhakticaru Swami declined to become involved in any mediation, yet he was to be the beneficiary of property at half of market prices. All efforts to resolve the dispute in the devotee arena failed. I filed a complaint with the Human Relations Commission, alleging housing discrimination. I won't bore the reader with the endless complicated details thereof, but the Commission ruled in my favor recently, granting me a "right-to-sue" letter based on their findings of civil rights violations by Suddhajiva. The county attorney also obtained a judgment against Suddhajiva for $100 a day in fines since last December for sign violations. Suddhajiva filed a lawsuit against me for an alleged breach of contract, etc. Now the courts will decide what is right and who will do what. Both of us think our service to Srila Prabhupada is at stake... what a shame we need to relate in this manner. The local newspaper ran a front page story of the dispute between the Hare Krishnas... Now I'm really depressed... What to do? Should I retaliate with character assasination of Suddhajiva in turn? No, I don't have the taste for it. Suddhajiva believes he is doing the right thing, and that he is defending his service to Srila Prabhupada. So do I. When godbrothers cannot resolve their differences amongst themselves with the help of other devotees (our local GBC, Bir Krishna Swami, is nowhere to be seen), and if it be necessary to take the matter to local courts, let us try to stick to the issues and refrain from resorting to dirty tricks. Three times Suddhajiva has taken out citizen's warrants against me for false charges, and now... character assassination. Win the argument by calling your opponent bad names. Argumentum ad hominum. Nevertheless, yes, my character is definitely wanting, but what good will it do for the resolution of our dispute? After the arbiters of justice rule on the claims and issues contained in the lawsuits, then the matter will be settled and, although we may never speak to or of each other again, we can part ways as gentlemen and get on with other things. Or is that too idealistic? I bear no ill will against Suddhajiva; I recognize that differences will arise even among, or maybe especially among devotees. It is how we resolve them that is the real test. By the way, almost all of Suddhajiva's statements about me are, to my conviction, false or twisted half truths (just what he says of me). They range from partially false and to totally false. Jagadish and Jayatirtha perpetrated the whole Robin George fiasco; I was the patsy in the attempt to protect the GBC. I do not sell illicit items, I was railroaded out of New Talavan by a collusion between Jayapataka and Vrikodara, taking no money... Oops, I just defended myself... I must still be attached to my honor and good name (what good name?), so it is sure that Krishna will arrange another humbling experience for me in the near future. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. Your servant in His service (trying), Nityananda das PS. The book Someone Has Poisoned Me is merely a presentation of facts and evidence which proves that Srila Prabhupada was poisoned with arsenic. It is not a besmirching of Bhakticaru Swami, who admits that he has been a suspect in this issue for a long time and not because of my book. I make no allegations in the book; the reader is left to decide for himself the value of the 416 pages of evidence and forensic tests. Of course, there are those who are ostriches and can't risk new truths... If interested, the book may be obtained for a $5 donation plus $2 postage in the USA: Call 800 242 0115 or write to Vedic Village, PO Box 208, Mayodan, NC 27027. 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