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EDITORIAL April 16, 1999 VNN3617 Answer To Gaurasundar Prabhu BY MAHAVEGAVATI DASI EDITORIAL, Apr 16 (VNN) — Dear Gaurasundar prabhu, (see VNN story# 3538) I think a lot of devotees, both second and first, feel very cheated by our wonderful GBC godbrother leaders. (Now we even have godsisters on the team.) At any rate, all sarcasm aside, many devotees got cheated by these leaders for so many years. You spent so many hours per day on sankirtan, and so many years serving Krsna as a pujari, and never got to go to India, "while the Prabhupada initiates got to go to India." Prabhu, many of us also did not get to go, and we also put in so many years and hours of service. I also was full-time cook, full-time pujari and I cleaned the temple and maintained the kitchen and pujari room at one temple and I was never allowed to go to India, or to go see my spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada, nor was I allowed to go to any festivals. I was ALWAYS, without exception, the "stayback." With a really bad back, and quite a number of huge scars from quite a number of operations, I was forced to do 15 hours a day on the NYC subways, running back and forth between the subway cars to collect laksmi, even though I presented a letter to my GBC from a foot doctor which substantiated that if I continued the service, "She can lose her ability to walk for the rest of her life." I was told to continue on in my service. I still was never sent to India, and yes, the foot doctor's prediction in his letter to my GBC, (after his seeing the x-rays of my feet), have come true. I was relegated to a wheel chair years ago, but due to 1) my stubbornness and trying to avoid its use, and 2) my back muscles are so ruined that I can't roll myself in the chair for any length of distance, I still try to walk the little bit that I can. (And I am in very intense pain all of the time.) I served under one GBC in Africa for so many years. Besides his having me pay my airfare to and from Africa twice and my paying his and another sannyasi's airfare - which I got by making and selling jewelry over a period of years - he told me to give him the laksmi to cover my airfare to India, that he would be sending me "every six months for association." I gave him laksmi to cover my airfare to India several times, but I was never sent. Instead this GBC saw it fit to take this laksmi and use it for his projects (and his airfares). So prabhu, it is both devotees of the first and second generation who have been made to suffer at the hands of leaders who were - and some who still are - not honest. I am a permanent cripple due to various abusive instructions that, due to my own weaknesses, I was not able to be assertive enough to say no and refuse to accept. We can't turn the clock back, but at least we can use things that happened to us in the past to learn for the future. I also try to see it this way: IF our leaders have any intelligence, sincerity, and proper vision; hopefully they will learn to rectify their wrongs and correct their exploitive and abusive mentality. I think Krsna was using the first generation and second generation of devotees to be a part of the mistakes so that ALL of us could learn from them, that we should learn what is pure devotional service, what is the pure devotee and how to use proper discrimination. I made many mistakes in surrendering to liars and cheaters and it has taken so many blows, both emotional and physical, but I am becoming a little smarter for it. So prabhu, it was not only you or other gurukulis who did not get to go to India or who saw some, (or even all), of the laksmi you collected go for the sense gratification of other devotee leader; I as a Prabhupada disciple experienced this also. Krsna says (BG 2.40) that there is no loss or diminution on this path. We may not see the devotional fruits of our service at this point in time, but Krsna keeps it all in His account, and He knows the sincere effort at surrender. He also knows the liars and the cheater, and it all comes out in the wash. YS Mahavegavati dasi Comment on this Story | Contact VNN regarding this Story
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