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EDITORIAL April 16, 1999 VNN3615 'Doyal Nitai, Doyal Nitai' BY SWAMI B.V. TRIPURARI  EDITORIAL, Apr 16 (VNN) — (from Sanga wfd@efn.org)Upon hearing about the recent death by suicide of a former student, I sent my condolences to Tripurari Swami in Vrindavan. His reply follows. - Editor "Doyal Nitai's death has deeply disturbed me. He has not been associated with me for about six years in any way. He suffered from a very deep manic depressive syndrome that increasingly rendered him very psychotic. He was intially close to me, and a very, very smart man. He could keep up with me philosophically and he stayed very involved, even after marrying. "For the first three years he had no trouble and followed strictly. Then the psychotic episodes started. It was very troublesome for me to see that happen to someone so close. I tried to help him in every way for the next few years. At times there were bright spots. Ultimately, he became offensive to our Sampradaya, Srila Prabhupada, Sridhara Maharaja, etc., and his intellectual appetite and psychosis subduded his heart. However, in all of this I sensed that he had a deep affection for me. In fact, he called me out of the blue in early February just before I left for India to say so. "Below is a letter I wrote to my disciples concerning his death just after I heard about it. As I wrote it, I wept and prayed for him to the amazement of a student here (who knew him and did not like him) and happened to walk into my room just as I was finishing. People can think whatever they want. "His soul and mine are somehow connected and he will reappear in this lineage at a future date and serve it faithfully. This is my impression from my prayers offered." - Swami RE: Doyal Nitai dasa To those connected to me in the service of Guru and Gauranga, Please see if it will be possible to arrange for cremation and placing his remians in the Yamuna. His ex-wife, and more, his mother will be able to legally make this decision, not me. However, it is my request for obvious reasons, although not his mother may not understand. However, if this poses too much dificulty or pain for anyone, especially his mother, do not persist in the least. He served in our mission for several years, and during that time he endeared himself to me. Ultimately, his mental karma compounded with offenses got the best of him, and he fell from grace. I loved him as much as I wanted nothing to do with him. If anyone was justified in comitting suicide, it was David. His life was very, very sad, and I am very sad that I could not help him more, very sad. His spiritual name, Doyal Nitai dasa, was a sign of my affection and great hope for him. In the later days of his earthly life, Sridhara Maharaja suddenly began to utter this, "Doyal Nitai, Doyal Nitai" from time to time. This was due to his sensing the prescence of Nityananda prabhu in the midst of his service to Srila Prabhupada's disciples. May Sridhara Mahraja, Srila Prabhupada, and Nitayanda Prabhu be merciful to him. Please all of you pray like this from your hearts. No one I know has suffered more mental anguish in their life in attempting to serve the mission of Mahaprabhu. May he grant him a good birth and devotion in his next life. We are all insignificant people. We do not know our future or past. Let us live in the present, our opportuinty to serve Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga. In service, Swami B.V. Tripurari About the Author | Other Stories by this Author Comment on this Story | Contact VNN regarding this Story
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