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EDITORIAL  The Ritvik Rag BY SALMAN RUSHDIE (HUMOR), May 22 (VNN) — (Sung to the tune of the 'Vietnam Rag' from Woodstock.) Traditional 1. Well, everybody, across the land, Come on down and join the ritvik band, Don't you worry if your friends get fried, When you call their gurus unbonafide, Read "The Final Order" and get inspired, Discretion is not required! (Chorus) And it's one, two, three, What are we fightin' for? Don't worry, 'cause it's authorized, All the leaders are demonized! And it's five, six, seven, nobody initiate, 'Ain't no time for common sense, Whooppee! Make another offense! 2. Those books and letters from the BBT, Have all been changed by the GBC, 'Though 'ritvik guru' cannot be found, Henceforward you can stand your ground. The Founders' words do not apply, Except on the 9th of July! (Repeat Chorus) 3. My whole darn life is a catastrophe, Because of decisions by the GBC, Did they goof, or did they lie, Ask my guru, K.K. Desai, ISKCON leaders are all such fools, No wonder I can't follow the rules! (Repeat Chorus) 4. Well, if you're worried 'bout being pure, Ritvik philosophy is the cure, Feelin' guilty about your sin? Log right on to VNN! Jump on in and join the fun, Pass judgement on everyone! (Repeat Chorus) 5. All your troubles will melt away, As ritvik philosophy saves the day, The Final Order brings you relief, From upset stomach as it whitens your teeth! Shove it down the throat of the institution, Zeig heil! It's The Final Solution! (Repeat Chorus) 6. Well, never mind those conditioned souls, We gotta move for political control, Smarta brahmans have got it right, Gurus and swamis should not be white, Why aspire for pure devotion, When you can raise a commotion! (Repeat Chorus) 7. Take control of the sankirtan mission, Try our brand of linguistic fission, "His" sounds a lot like "He is" to me, And that tranforms the whole philosophy, Splittin' hairs is such a thrill, Just ask our President Bill! (Repeat Chorus) 8. Won't you join me at quarter to three, For a ritvik initiation ceremony? Prabhupada saves! Glory, Hallelujah! He takes the karma and we take the moolah, Sit right down for a change of pace, And do the ritvik in my place! (Repeat Chorus) by Salman Rushdie  Comment on this storyContact VNN about this storySend this story to a friend
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