Dear prabhujis - Please accept my obeisances. This is a 'rough' transcript of a class given in Wales by Tridandisvami Bhaktivedanta Aranya Maharaja for Gurupurnima '2000.

I have only been able to create this document using Premavati Didi's very good transcription (although incomplete due to shortfalls in the recording) I then patched it up using two other recordings. Please forgive me for any mistakes. My hope is that readers will somehow receive a hint of the nectar distributed to us at that time.

Makhanlala das

Pujyapada Bhaktivedanta Aranya Maharaja. Wales, United Kingdom. 19th July 2000

Om ajnana timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya caksrur unmilitam yena tasmai sri guruve namah

Sunday was guru-purnima, Vyasa-puja day.

It is on this day that everyone must worship their Gurudeva. In previous times, Vyasa-puja was performed on the birthday of the spiritual master. Everyone worshipped their guru on that one day.

But it is very, very important to observe all the important festivals on the Vaisnava calendar, if you want to make progress in bhakti. Because it is by the observance of these festivals that we get the mercy of our Acaryas, and honoring them will create a very deep impression upon our hearts. As these impressions gradually accumulate, they make our disposition naturally favorably inclined towards devotional service.

In the Sri Caitanya Caritamrta, Srila Kaviraja Goswamipada has painstakingly described all about guru-tattva. Where? In the very first chapter of Adi-lila. Because without the guru, no one can begin on the path of spiritual life.

There, in describing Guru tatva, he says;

"guru, krsna, bhakta, sakti, avatara prakasa, ei chaya-rupe krsna karena vilasa".

Translation : 'Lord Krsna enjoys by manifesting Himself as the spiritual masters, the devotees, the diverse energies, the incarnations and the plenary portions. They are all six in one".(Adi-lila 1.33) That Krsna manifests Himself in six forms and is performing His pastimes in six ways; guru, krsna, bhakta, sakti, avatara prakasa, ei chaya-rupe krsna karena vilasa. Krsna is playing in these six forms. So Guru is a direct manifestation of the Supreme Personality of Godhead.

There are different types of guru. The guru from whom we hear is called sravana guru ; It may be that after some time we can develop such faith in him, that he then becomes our

diksa guru. The person that introduces us and shows us the path of suddha bhakti, or brings us to the lotus feet of a bona fide guru is called, vartma-pradarsaka guru. The diksa guru is the guru that initiates us and gives us mantra to establish sambhanda–our relationship with Krsna. And siksa guru is the instructing spiritual master who gives us confidential knowledge of the heart and character of Krsna. He also instructs us how to render confidential service to Him.

Srila Krsnadasa Kaviraja Goswamipada has said; "yadyapi amara guru caitanyera dasa, tathapi janiye ami tanhara prakasa" -Translation :'Although I know that my spiritual master is a servitor of Sri Caitanya, at the same time I see him as a direct manifestation of the Lord. (Adi lila1.44)'Although I know that my spiritual master is Caitanyera dasa, the servant of Caitanya Mahaprabhu, but at the same time, 'tathapi janiye ami tanhara prakasa', I see him as a direct manifestation of Mahaprabhu." Prakash, he is the prakasa-vigraha (manifested form) of Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Who is the prakasa-vigraha of Caitanya Mahaprabhu? Nityananda Prabhu ! And guru is the direct manifestation of Nityananda Prabhu. Nityananda, or Baladeva Prabhu, is the original guru–adi guru.

Initially, the disciple will serve his Gurudeva considering him to be a direct manifestation of Nityananda ,or Baladeva Prabhu. This is in sakhya rasa, but for those who are in madhurya rasa, as they become more and more elevated, they will see their Gurudeva as a direct manifestation of Srimati Radharani.

Then Srila Krsnadasa Kaviraja Goswamipada has written; "guru krsna-rupa hana sastrera pramane, guru-rupe krsna krpa karena bhakta-gane"

Translation : 'According to the deliberate opinion of all revealed scriptures, the spiritual master is non-different from Krsna. Lord Krsna in the form of the spiritual master delivers His devotees. (Adi-lila 1.45)

That the diksa guru is called krsna-rupa, guru krsna rupa hana sastrera pramane. It is the deliberate opinion from all sastra that the guru is krsna-rupa. He is the direct manifestation of krsna-rupa, and he acquaints us with krsna-rupa. Guru rupe krsna krpa karena bhakti gane… the mercy of Krsna comes in the embodied form, in the form of Sri Guru.

Just like, everywhere in the air is water, but you cannot drink that water, even though it is in the air. In the same way, the mercy of Krsna is all pervading, His full mercy is everywhere, but you cannot realise it. As the water vapour in the air condenses and becomes a cloud, it takes a form that you can see, and it is from this form that you can derive some water.

In the same way, although Krsna's mercy is everywhere, yet you cannot perceive it, but when it condenses it takes on a form. And that form–the condensed, concentrated embodiment of all of Krsna's mercy–appears before our eyes as Sri Guru.

Krsna's mercy comes through that form–Sri Guru.

siksa-guruke ta' jani krsnera svarupa, antaryami bhakta-srestha, ei dui rupa

Translation : 'One should know the instructing spiritual master to be the Personality of Krsna. Lord Krsna manifests Himself as the Supersoul and as the greatest devotee of the Lord.(Adi lila 1.47)

The siksa guru is called svarupa krsna. He acquaints us with the heart and feelings of Sri Krsna, so we have to serve him confidentially. The siksa guru has two forms; antaryami bhakta srestha ei dui rupa. Antaryami, ones siksa guru in the heart, is called caitya guru. And when he is manifest outwardly, he is known as bhakta srestha. He is not any ordinary devotee; he is bhakta srestha, the best devotee–uttama adhikari maha bhagavata Vaisnava.

So any jiva wandering in this world when, he is very, very fortunate, he gets to associate with a bona-fide guru, the spiritual master. The supersoul in his heart also inspires him, "Oh you should surrender yourself here, and follow the order of guru;

brahmanda bhramite kona bhagyavan jivaguru-krsna-prasade paya bhakti-lata-bija .

Translation :'According to their karma, all living entities are wandering throughout the entire universe. Some of them are being elevated to the upper planetary systems, and some are going down into the lower planetary systems.

Out of many millions of wandering living entities, one who is very fortunate gets an opportunity to associate with a bona fide spiritual master by the grace of Krsna. By the mercy of both Krsna and the spiritual master, such a person receives the seed of the creeper of devotional service. (Madhya 19.151)

After wandering through thousands and thousands of life times, finally, we meet sad-guru, and now the opportunity comes to make our life successful. But now that we meet sad guru it is not all over, actually, from that point when we meet the guru, the real test begins -- Because, before we were wandering aimlessly in this material world, and now meeting sad guru, I am receiving some knowledge from him, some understanding, so there will be a new examination on our characters, and our desires. So it really starts from here. Once Lord Brahma declared that, 'If someone is extremely fortunate, then they will come to know atma-tattva–knowledge of the soul.

A person who comes to know atma-tattva becomes free from all lamentation and from all suffering. He becomes overjoyed, totally fearless in this world, and all the opulence's of the three worlds are standing with folded hands waiting to serve him'. When Brahmaji made this proclamation, Narada hearing this began to travel all over the universe declaring this announcement. So Narada was going here and there, and various persons were hearing, and some became inspired.

When he went to heaven, Indra, the king of heaven, heard this and he became very much attracted. So he left the heavens and he went to Brahmaji. Also Virocana, the king in the dynasty of the demons, also heard this; "Anyone who knows atma tattva, the science of the soul, becomes free from all lamentation, completely fearless, eternal, and untouched by time. He becomes completely overjoyed and, all the opulence's of the three worlds will be waiting at his feet to serve him."

Virocana was very attracted after hearing this and so he also set off to see Lord Brahma. Together Indra and Virocana approached Lord Brahma, and they both fell at his feet. They gave pranama, and accepted Brahma as their Gurudeva. Brahma told them, "Oh you should stay with me, hear from me and serve me in a very simple way, for thirty two years." So they were both serving, and hearing many things from Brahma and many years passed by. After thirty-two years Brahmaji asked them, "Why have you come here?" Both of them replied "Gurudeva, we came here because we heard Narada, who was going everywhere, announcing what you had said, 'Those who know atma tattva will become happy forever, they will be free from all lamentation, they will become completely fearless and all the opulence's of the three worlds will be waiting with folded hands to serve them." We heard this from you and that is why we came.

Brahmaji was pleased and he began to smile, he told them. "Parabrahma who, all great sages and yogis wish to attain, is attained when they give up everything, renounce everything, leave everything behind, and they engage themselves in very strict penance and austerity in devotion. When their sadhana is mature, then they see Parabrahma, the Supreme Absolute truth, who is so beautiful, and the master of all."

When they both heard this they said, "Oh Gurudeva, is this Parabrahma the atma, or the reflection of the atma?" Brahma looked at them and he could understand that actually they were not ready for this knowledge, so he said, "You should dress yourself very nicely and come with me." He took Narada and Virocana to the bank of a lake and he said, "Look in the water, what do you see?" When they looked in the water and saw themselves so nicely reflected on the still and clear water, they said, "We see all the limbs of our body." Brahma told them, "This is the atma". So when Virocana heard this he thought, "O, very good, now after serving my gurudeva for so many years, I have got the knowledge for which I came. The atma, the body is the atma, now I understand everything." He gave pranama to his Gurudeva and he left.

When he arrived back at the planets of the demons, he announced to everyone, "Now I know atma tattva. By knowing this tattva you can become happy forever, fearless, full of joy, and all the opulence's of the three worlds will be serving you. This is called deha-atma-buddhi. The body is the atma, and I have heard this from authorities in guru parampara, I have heard from Brahma. So it is perfect knowledge coming from guru parampara and it is substantiated by the Vedas."

Brahmaji had taught him the consciousness of the atma in the waking state. This is in the Vedas.

So now Virocana had the philosophy that, 'This body is atma, you can lie cheat steal and do anything and you will be happy by this.' This is the philosophy of the demons.

So Indra gave pranama to his Gurudeva, and he was returning to his planet. On the way he was thinking, "Wait a minute, this cant be right. This body is not eternal, there is so much fear for those who identify with the body, and all these things. Gurudeva told me that all the opulence's will serve me, but this is also not correct." Some doubts came into his mind so Indra turned around and went back. He fell down at the lotus feet of his Gurudeva and said, "Gurudeva I have some doubts. The instruction you gave me, I cannot reconcile what you have said with the other things that you have said. So can you give me some further instruction?" Brahmaji began to smile, "Oh very good. You should stay in my asrama and serve me for a further thirty two years." Indra went on serving Brahmaji for many years.

At the end of thirty-two more years he came to his Gurudeva and gave his pranama and Brahmaji began to instruct him, he said, "When you sleep at night, you experience an existence that is separate from your waking state. So that existence, this identity that you feel which is beyond this gross material body, that you experience in the dreaming state, this is the atma."

Indra was very happy to receive atma tattva from his Gurudeva, so he gave his pranama, and left for his own planet. On the way there he was thinking, "Wait a minute, dream is temporary, and it arises from the mind. And who is dreaming and feeling fearless? And, they don't have all opulence's, and they are not feeling the security of eternality and all these things. This cant be right." So then Indra again returned to the asrama of Lord Brahma, and once again fell at his feet. He said, "Oh Gurudeva, some doubts have come in my mind. I cannot reconcile the statements you made earlier with these instructions. Please can you help me to understand them?" Again Brahmaji was very pleased and he said, "I can help you understand this atma tattva, but there is one thing you will have to do. You have to stay in my asrama and serve me for another thirty two years." So Indra agreed and he stayed, and served him;

utsahan niscayad dhairyattat-tat-karma-pravartanatsanga-tyagat sato vrttehsadbhir bhaktih prasidhyati (Upadesamrta verse 3) With great enthusiasm, with confidence and patience.

He had faith in his Gurudeva. Now, ninety-six years had passed, and Indra once again came and gave pranama to his Gurudeva. Brahmaji said, "Now I will instruct you about atma-tattva. At that time when you sleep at night, and you go into the dream state, and when the dream state is finished and you go into a very, very deep state, this is called the susukti.

In this state, the identity who you feel yourself to be when your gross body is inactive, and even the mind and subtle body have all become inactive, that identity that you feel at that time, that is the atma".

Indra was very happy and he paid pranama to his Gurudeva and set off once again for Indraloka. On the way he was thinking, "Wait a minute, the atma is supposed to be full of knowledge and eternal bliss. But when I go into the stage of susukti, I can't remember anything, who I am, where I am. It is like a state of complete ignorance.

This cant be atma-tattva." So then he had so many doubts and he turned around and went back to his Gurudeva. "Gurudeva, I can not reconcile the instructions you gave me with your

previous statements, can you please help me?" Brahmaji said, "Yes, I will instruct you in knowledge of atma-tattva, but you will have to stay in my asrama for another five years…"

So again Indra was serving his Gurudeva like a menial servant, day and night, very simply. He was desiring so much to understand atma-tattva, and his mind was set on the goal. After five years had passed, Brahmaji said, "That identity which you feel, when you are neither in the waking state, conscious of this gross material body. Neither in the dreaming state, conscious of the subtle, astral body of mind, intelligence and false ego, or neither in susukti, or deep sleep, or the unconscious state. But that state that you experience when you are completely absorbed in unmotivated devotional service to the Supreme Personality of Godhead, in that identity you realise. This is called atma." So then Indra became so happy, he gave pranama to his Gurudeva and he returned to his planet. So Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Prabhupada used to tell this story, he has given a very poignant commentary, in which he explained the difference between these two disciples, Virocana and Indra.

First of all, Nirosin came to his Gurudeva, but why? Because he was really attracted by the statement that, "All the opulence's will fall at your feet and serve you." So, he came to his Gurudeva with Anya-bhilas, other desires. Therefore, the purport is that, even if one comes in contact with a Maha-bhagavata Vaisnava, a pure devotee guru, then the test comes, actually…

Even if the guru is so high and so qualified, if one knowingly is approaching his guru with anya bhilas, then what will the result be? He will be deprived, cheated. He will not derive benefit from his association although the guru is so high and so qualified.

On the other hand, what happened to Indra? He was so sincere in approaching his Gurudeva, and because of his sincerity, the guru examined him. And from the guru inside his heart–caitya guru–was inspiring him because he was so sincere. Therefore every time Brahma gave him some conception, because he was very sincere, caitya guru in his heart inspired him to think, "What am I doing, what is this instruction my Gurudeva gave me? Let me go deeper. Is this conception the full conception? Is this the primary secondary conception? Is it the final conception?" He was thinking like this, very deeply. Because he was very sincere, caitya-guru in his heart was giving him the intelligence to understand these things, and blessing him that he could gradually make progress. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Prabhupada commented that Virocana painted his guru black. He came to his Gurudeva and took instruction from him, and then he went away and told everyone, "Oh my Gurudeva is teaching this thing…"

It was not really the heart of his Gurudeva, or the conception of his Gurudeva, but he was going everywhere saying, "This is the philosophy of my Gurudeva, and everyone should follow. Listen to me, I have understood." In this way he gave his spiritual master a very bad name. We see this in the world today, like especially with Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, and with those who have not understood his teachings and are misrepresenting his ideas. This is very unfortunate, but what is the cause? We should check our own heart and see. When we approach our spiritual master, what do we want? What is the reason that we have come here? We should come only for one reason, that we want to attain suddha bhakti, pure unmotivated, uninterrupted, love and affection of the lotus feet of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, Radha-Krsna. Otherwise our energy and our time is wasted, and also we will misrepresent our Gurudeva.

Srila Bhaktivedanta Vamana Goswami Maharaja has sometimes given class about the disciples who are not following their Gurudeva. He has defined them into six categories. There is one verse in sastra. There are, he said, six types of disciples who are quite bogus, they are not really sisya. Ali, banah, praksika six types of bogus disciples. The first one is called ali. The word ali means bumblebee. The guru calls his disciple, "Oh please come here. Here is some money, I want you to go to the marketplace and buy some rasgulla's for the Deities." So then the disciple he takes the money in his pocket and he goes out of the guru's room and then he bumps into his old friend. "Hey Acarya! How's it going? Haven't seen you for a long time." He stays talking, then after one hour he says, "Anyway, Gurudeva sent me to the marketplace and the shop is going to shut real soon, so I will see you later." As he walks out and down the steps he bumps into Janardana. "Hey Janardana! Long time no see! Where are you living these days, Wales!?" He stays talking and another hour passes, and now the shop is closed. He says, "Anyway Gurudeva has asked me to go to the marketplace, so I have to go." The whole day he just goes from one person to another, and just speaking and speaking, not doing any service. He is not serving his Gurudeva, only talking but not doing anything. "Oh I will do it, I will do it." So he is like a bumblebee. Because sometimes if you watch a bumblebee they go from one flower to another. But they are not doing anything, not even taking any honey. They are just landing on the flower, and then they fly off and go to the next flower, and the next, and the next.

So one type of bogus disciple is like this. He is not doing any seva only going here and there and yakking it up.

The next type is banah. Banah means arrow. His Gurudeva tells him, "Come, I want you to go to the market place." The disciple says, "Yes Gurudeva! And then pow!, like an arrow he shoots off. He arrives at the market place and he thinks, "What was I supposed to come here for?

Why did Gurudeva send me?" So this means the disciple is like an arrow, he is full of enthusiasm, and he hears something from his Gurudeva, and then pow, he just shoots off to carry out the order of the guru. But actually he hasn't gone deeply into the heart of his spiritual master. He hasn't understood the heart; he hasn't come to the conclusion. He has only some preliminary understanding, but he thinks this is everything and he shoots off to convert the world. "Okay, suddha bhakti is cow protection. One can go back to Godhead only by distributing halava and khitchri to the homeless my Gurudeva said so." Only taking a preliminary instruction. The arrow has another quality, it just goes and it doesn't come back. So such disciples who don't go deeply into the teachings of their Gurudeva, they set off to teach others but what happens? They don't come back. They don't come in line, in sampradaya.

Even if the Guru leaves, he is still present in this world, and he is empowering any other Vaisnava. But they don't come back to their Gurudeva. So they are like banah, like an arrow.

Then bak. Bak means crane. If you see the behaviour of the crane, it stands on one leg in the water, very still and meditating. So bak, he is like Bakasura. He is the embodiment of duplicity. Why? Because he is just like a sadhu, a sage or a yogi, standing on one leg and meditating. He thinks, "Oh everyone can see I am so peaceful and absorbed." But the crane is not peaceful or absorbed, he is only making a show, but on the inside he is thinking,

"Now I am so still, the fish don't know that I am here and they are swimming very, very close. And when one comes close, I can eat it." So some disciples are like Bak, chanting and meditating only making a show for others, and inside many, many material desires for sense gratification, for name and fame. And you see that they are meditating for some time, and as soon as the opportunity comes along, any sweet girl, and swoop. They swoop on her. Or they try to catch disciples by any trick, or by blackmail, or psychology. So they are like bak, like a crane. This is the third type of bogus disciple.

Then prosita presika. Prosita presika means, when the guru tells the disciple, "My dear prabhu, here is some money, I want you to go to the marketplace and buy some rasgulla's for Thakuraji." The disciple, coming out of his Gurudevas room, looks around and sees Haladhara prabhu and he thinks, "I joined the movement before Haladhara prabhu," "Hey, Haladhara prabhu ! " Listen, Gurudeva wants you to go to the shop and buy some rasgulla's." So he gives the money to him. This is called delegating. Guru gives him responsibility, but he never takes that responsibility on his own head. Guru gives the disciple heavy responsibility, he makes the disciple go through fire, and this purifies him. But the bogus disciple, the guru puts responsibility on his head and what does he do? He delegates it, gives it to someone else. In this way he can never be purified by his gurus instructions. Then Haladhara comes out of the Matha and sees Bhakta X. "Hey Bhakta X come here." He is thinking… 'I joined before him, I'm the authority.' "Gurudeva wants you to go to the market." So he gives the money to him. Then Bhakta X gives the money to a new hippy that just came the day before, he thinks, "I joined before him, I'm his authority." And in this way, delegating and delegating, only passing it down, and in this way the service of guru is never done.

The next type of bogus disciple is kim ekaki. Kim ekaki means, me alone, only me. The guru tells him, "Please take this money and go down to the marketplace and buy some rasgulla's for Thakuraji." So then he says, "Gurudeva, I should go alone all the way to the shop?!! On my own? No, you should give me some men. I need some man power, some money, a car, taxi fare, bus fare." So kim a kaki means, 'what me alone?'. The guru gives him an order, but he is thinking, "I can not do it. I need money, I need men, I need facilities, I need a temple. I need so many things. How can I do it Gurudeva?" He has no faith in the order of Guru. He cannot show initiative and determination. He does not have the conviction that, "If I simply try to serve my Gurudeva then I must be successful.

Because there is some potency in the order of guru, if I only try, by Gurudeva's mercy anything can be achieved. But he has no faith in this.

The sixth type of bogus disciple is called jyotisa. Jyotisa means astrologer.

He is always thinking about the future. Gurudeva asks him, "Please go to the shop and buy some rasgulla's." He says, "But Gurudeva. What if when I get to the shop it is closed, Gurudeva? His Gurudeva told him that he should go anyway. "But Gurudeva. What if when I get to the shop they have sold out of rasgulla's, Gurudeva? Oh Gurudeva what if the price went up, this might not be enough money." Always he is speculating. He wants to serve but he thinks, "What about this, and what about this, and what about this." He is always fearful about the future, and speculating, "It will be like this and this." So he is called jyotisa, like an astrologer. "What about this, and what will happen if… and what if…"

So these are six types of bogus disciples. What is the benefit of hearing this? We should be very careful, and check to see that these tendencies are not in ourselves. Not that we should think, "Oh, this one, he is all six, I know. He is all six of them rolled into one."

Not that we should try to find fault with others. We should try to see ourselves, and when these tendencies arise in us. Then we should pray to Guru, "Oh Gurudeva, Oh Vaisnava's, please give me strength. I want to be a bona fide disciple. I want to be sincere, and serve you and please you." Otherwise, like Virocana, who became deviated. He will not be able to really associate with his Gurudeva, and serve him for years and years, gradually entering into the deepest feelings of his Gurudeva, and ultimately, take those feelings into his own heart. Gurudeva wants to give everything, but these things are not cheap, they will be given to those who are very sincere.

So some examination will be there. Once there was a very powerful king who was the king of the whole planet. He was a religious person, but he had two wives. One wife was very, very well behaved. She was always hearing, chanting, and remembering, she was very devoted and of very good character. When the king was with her, he felt very inspired to follow the path of spiritual life, to renounce the allurements of this world, and to search for something true, real and eternal, for something of permanent value. But his other wife was of bad character. She was only interested in sense gratification–material enjoyment–which is only temporary fleeting pleasures that are quite insubstantial and can never satisfy the soul. And ultimately they want to be. When he associated with that wife, being under the control of her affection, then he would become like that. Then at that time he would look at the world and think, "This world is filled with so many prospects for happiness…"

So sometimes he was with one wife and sometimes with another, and his character would change accordingly. Why? Because in Bhakti rasamtra-sindhu-bindu it is written;

'yasya yat sangatih pumso manivat syat sa tad gunahsva kularddhyai tato dhiman svayuthyan eva samsrayet (Bhakti-rasamrta-sindu-bindu. Page 98)

The consciousness is like crystal, like a jewel. If you place a diamond, or any clear crystal on a reddish cloth, then it is filled with red colours, it appears to be red. And if you place it on a blackish cloth, then it becomes dark. If you put it on a yellow cloth, the stone gets hues of yellow. So anywhere you put it, it becomes like that. So our consciousness is like that. Whoever we associate with, we will become like them. Therefore, those who are very thoughtful will try to keep themselves in the association of very sincere and very pure devotees, and especially the devotees who are dedicated to their spiritual master. And especially the devotees who never criticise others, this is very important. So those who are dheman, their thoughts are very profound, very deep. They always avoid the association of sly and hypocritical people, who tend to engage in the criticism of others. They keep themselves in the association of very sincere and simple hearted devotees, who are interested in their bhajana and are serving their Gurudeva.

So this kings name was Uttanapada, and his nice wife's name was Suniti. Niti means righteous conduct, so Suniti, very good conduct. His other wife's name was Surici, always trying to taste the sense gratification in this world.

So gradually of the two wives, he become more under the control of Suruci and gradually began to loose his character. For Suniti, this was very intolerable, so she asked permission from her husband to live at a distance from the kingdom, as the palace was not conducive for her, for she wished to engage in bhakti. So king Uttanapada being under the control of Suruci, granted this wish, that Suniti would stay a distance away from the palace. At that time when Suniti left the kingdom, she was pregnant, and after a short time she gave birth to a son whom she named Dhruva. Dhruva means, certain, for sure, fixed, steady.

Being the son of the king, a ksatriya, he was a very determined and courageous boy, even at a very young age. One day when he was only five years old and he was playing with his friends, his friends were saying, "Oh this is something very unusual, I have a mother and father, he has a mother and father, but you, you have no mother and father. Who is your father?"

Dhruva was crying, "I have no father?" He ran to his mother crying, "Oh mother, all the boys are criticising, and ridiculing me, saying, 'who is your father', it is a matter of great shame…

What can I do?" Suniti said, "Oh, my dear boy, your father is king Uttanapada, the Emperor of the whole world". Hearing this, Dhruva became very determined to go to the palace to see the king.

Dhruva, who resembled his father, arrived at the court and was standing some distance away from the king. The king who had never seen Dhruva before could understand, "Oh, this must be my son". Dhruva came before his father, and the king who was crying out of happiness, took Druva into his lap. As the king was playing with Dhruva and speaking to him, Suruci came into the room. "Who is this? What is he doing playing in the lap of the king? Only my son can play in the lap of the king. Get down you cannot sit in the lap of the king. Only my son can sit in the lap of the king. If you want to sit in the lap of the king, then you will have to take birth from my womb. You will have to die first, and take birth from my womb, otherwise you can not sit in the lap of the king."

The king was so controlled by Suruci that he became speechless, he couldn't say anything.

He did not want to anger her because she was giving him the sense gratification that he was so attached to. So then Druva became so angry. "Why cant I sit in the lap of my father? I will show you, I will have a kingdom bigger than your kingdom, bigger than your father's kingdom, bigger than your father's, father's kingdom." Dhruva was so angry. He went back to his mother crying and crying. Suniti said to him, "Oh now my boy, don't be upset".

But Dhruva was so angry, like a snake who had been stepped on, because the son of a snake is also a snake. Dhruva was the son of a ksatriya, so he had the qualities of a ksatriya.

Dhruva then said, "Oh mother, I will show them. I want to have a kingdom bigger than my father, bigger than my fathers father (his father was Svayam Bhuva Manu).and his father is Lord Brahma has a very big kingdom… I want a kingdom even bigger than Brahma's kingdom…

His mother told him, "If you want such a boon as this you will have to gain the favour of the lotus-eyed Lord Hari. The Supreme Personality of Godhead who is so beautiful, His eyes are like lotus petals. Only He can fulfil such a desire, He can fulfil everyone's desires." Dhruva then asked his mother, "Oh where can I find Him?" His mother replied, "The great sages, they always go to the forest, and there they perform their meditation to find Hari." So Dhruva being a young boy, and very determined, ran away from home…

He was so determined, that although his mother did not want him to go, still he ran away to the forest.

He was wandering here and there, "Oh where is lotus eyed Hari? O Hari! O, Supreme Personality of Godhead!" He was crying out, calling out to the Supreme Lord. If anyone is crying out to the Supreme Lord from the core of their hearts, then the Supreme Lord, who is so kind and merciful, will send a bona fide guru. If they have some sukrti, He will send a bona fide guru. So at that time, one great sage descended from the sky playing his vina and singing; "Sri Narayana Narayana Narayana, Sri Narayana Narayana, Narayana, Sri Narayana Narayana Narayana…" He saw this boy crying and calling out, "Hari, Hari, where are You?" Narada came to Dhruva and said, "Oh my dear boy, are you looking for Hari?' Dhruva replied, "Yes can you help me?" "Oh my dear boy you are so young, and you are from a royal family, you can not find Hari. To find Hari, great sages come to the forest and do tapasya for thousands of years. It is very difficult for a small boy like you. You can not do it, you should return to your home." But Dhruva was so determined and he said, "No, if you know how I can find Hari, then you should tell me that, otherwise I don't want to hear anything else." Narada was astonished to hear the determination of Dhruva, and he said, "Alright, I will show you the process".

So then Narada gave Dhruva a mantra, 'om namah bhagavatay vasudevaya' (this is diksa mantra, it should not be spoken out loud in public).

He instructed him how to chant the mantra so that he could realise the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Dhruva was so excited, 'Oh now I have got the mantra.' "Hey listen, tell me one thing, how long will it take me before I have darsana of the Supreme Personality of Godhead?" Narada said, "I bless you that after six months you will realise." Dhruva was so ecstatic, and immediately he came to a very beautiful place in the forest, took bath and began to chant his mantras. Standing on one leg in complete concentration. And gradually becoming more and more absorbed in his mantras, he began to lose sense of his body. At first he was only eating once a day, then he reduced that, only taking some fruit, and then he reduced that only taking some dry leaves. After some weeks, he reduced that, only taking some water, he reduced that to only taking water once a week. He then reduced that to no food and no water, no sleep, only breathing, existing only on air. He even reduced that to only breathing once a week, one breath once a week. He then stopped breathing all together.

So by the power of his austerities, the breathing of all the demigods in the heavenly planets became choked. Because Dhruva had stopped breathing, he had become so powerful that he was affecting the whole universe, and all the demigods had become afraid. At this time Narada came and he saw the determination of his disciple Dhruva, he thought, "Just see. He's doing such severe austerities, he is so absorbed, and still the Supreme Lord is not giving him darsana? What is this? All the universe has been put in chaos". So then Narada left that place quickly and went to Vaikuntha.

When he arrived there he gave his pranama to Lord Narayana and he said, "O, my Lord, I have a question. My disciple, Dhruva, is following all of my instructions completely. He is meditating and is completely absorbed. He is doing such austerities, and he only five years old. Why don't you go there and give him Your darsana?" Lord Narayana said, "Look don't blame Me, it is your fault. When you gave him mantra, you told him that he would realise Me after six months. You said this, and I always have to make the words of my devotees true. So I wanted to go, I've been dying to go, but I couldn't go until the six months were up otherwise you would look like a liar". So then Narada said, "Oh, okay."

When six months had passed, and Dhruva was meditating, in the core of his heart the Deity of his mantra manifested, the four handed form of Narayana. He looked like a dark rain cloud, wearing yellow cloth, and a garland of flowers with so many bumblebees.

The Lord had tulasi leaves on His feet, and, in His four hands He held disc, club, conch and lotus flower. He had on His head a golden crown, and He had very beautiful curling and oiled hair. His body was smeared with candana. He was so beautiful.

When Dhruva saw the Lord within his heart, he was struck with wonder at the beauty of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. But in a moment, that form disappeared. At the moment that Narayana disappeared, Dhruva became grief stricken. "Oh my Lord, where are You? Where did You go? "

He couldn't live without seeing Him anymore. And because of that, his samadhi, his trance broke. He came into external consciousness, and crying, he opened his eyes, and there was his Lord. standing in front of him. Externally standing there. Dhruva was speechless; he didn't know what to say, because he was only a five-year-old boy, so he wasn't very eloquent. He couldn't offer any nice prayers or anything. So he just fell down at the feet of Narayana and gave dandavata pranamas.

Narayana then touched Dhruva's head with his conch shell. When He touched his head with the conch, He inspired Dhruva within his heart to offer very beautiful and eloquent prayers.

So Dhruva Maharaja with folded hands began to cry; "sthanabhilasi tapasi sthito 'hamtvam praptavan deva-munindra-guhyamkacam vicinvann api divya-ratnamsvamin krtartho 'smi varam na yace" (Madhya-lila 22.42).

He said, "Oh my Lord," sthanabhilasi tapasi sthito ham. "I was engaged in very, very powerful tapasya, very strict and severe austerities. Why? Only for position in this world. I wanted to have a kingdom bigger than my grandfather, bigger than the kingdom of Lord Brahma. I wanted to have wealth, power, followers, and all the best things that this world could offer. But what happened?

Miraculously by the mercy of my Gurudeva," tvam praptavan deva-munindra-guhyam.

"I have attained You. Oh, You who are so difficult to attain, even by the demigods, by great rsis, munis, and by great saintly kings. You who are so secret and confidential that even they cannot attain You. Yet I have attained You." Kacam vicinvann api divya-ratnam.

"Now I understand that all of the wealth, all of the very best things that this world has to offer us, what are they like? Only pieces of broken glass." (I think that if there is one big piece of glass, it may be worth something, you can sell it in a hardware store. But, if it is smashed, then it becomes completely worthless.) "I realise that all the best things this world has to offer–even a kingdom bigger than Brahma's–is like broken glass, it is nothing. And instead, by the mercy of my Gurudeva, I have attained divya ratna, the most precious transcendental jewel." Svavim krtartho smi varam na yace. Narayana said, "Oh Dhruva, please ask from Me any benediction you want."

Svavim krtartho smi varam na yace.

"Oh my Lord, by seeing You I am completely satisfied, I don't want anything, I don't want anything at all." Narayana then told him, "You have to stay in this world, you will become the Emperor of the whole world for thirty six thousand years. Then after that, I am giving you one very special planet, Dhruva Loka, the pole star. It is Cinmayi Dhama, the transcendental Dhama within the coverings of this universe." So then Dhruva Maharaja was lamenting and lamenting. "Alas, alas, why did I approach the Supreme Lord with any desire in my heart? Now I have to so-called enjoy all the opulence and wealth in this world."

So here Dhruva Maharaja is the very graphic example, from Srimad Bhagavatam, of those who are engaging in bhakti, and are following the order the their Gurudeva, but with anya bhilasa–other desires, not for suddha bhakti, but for the satisfaction of their own desires. We may also have other desires, but we will be lucky if we can be so determined as Dhruva Maharaja, who was fully absorbed in the order of his Gurudeva.

Yet, being absorbed in the order of his Gurudeva, but because he maintained some independent desire, he never mixed his heart with the heart of his Gurudeva, he never made his desire and the desire of his Gurudeva one. And what is the result of this type of following, what happened because of this? He had to stay in this material world for so long. And even when he went to the transcendental planet, Dhruvaloka, he was still inside the coverings of the universe. That means that his bhakti lata, his (krpa) creeper, never pierced the coverings of the universe. By taking shelter of bhakti lata, you can go beyond Vaikuntha, to Goloka Vrndavana, but Dhruva's devotion was not anya bhilasita sunyam, (devoid of other desires), and therefore, his bhakti lata could only take him–by the mercy of Narada–to a transcendental place, but it could not take him outside of the coverings of the universe. We should take a good lesson from the life of Druva Maharaja. This is so tragic…

He was working so hard doing such a hard austerity, but what was the result? Actually, if he had followed Narada's instructions from the beginning. Narada had told Dhruva, "Oh my dear boy, you are only five years old, you should go home."

If Dhruva had respected and honoured the instructions of Narada and had of gone home, Narada would've gone to his home and instructed him there, gradually, gradually, gradually. Narada could of given him service to the Supreme Lord in Vaikuntha, outside of this universe, or even in Vraja, Goloka Vrndavana. Narada has the power to benedict him in the service of Krsna. But, from the beginning Dhruva did not want to follow the order of his Gurudeva, and to make his heart one with that of his Gurudeva. Therefore, what did he attain?

When we read Srimad Bhagavatam we think, "Oh, Dhruva's life is successful." But actually, we should hear the commentaries of our Acarya's. They have said that we can follow the type of determination Dhruva possessed to attain the Lord. And that we can follow him to understand, that one should have very firm faith in the mantra given by his diksa guru, and that the deity of the mantra will appear in ones heart.

So we should take a lesson from Dhruva Maharaja. When sad guru gives mantra, there is a Deity of this mantra, and if the disciple follows all the instructions of his spiritual master very carefully with single pointed attention, determination and enthusiasm, then it is certain that the deity of the mantra will manifest in the heart of the disciple. Dhruva Maharaja had shown this by his example, in only six months, very quickly. Follow him for this, not for other things.

So Srila Gurudeva compared the bhakti of Dhruva, to the devotees in this world who were serving their Gurudeva and giving so much energy, but maintaining other desires. So a man who digs up a mountain by hand, how much hard work is it to dig up a mountain? Very hard work, hard sweat for years and years. And after digging up the mountain, what do you discover there? A small rat. Just a rat. A worthless, rotten, flea bitten rat. Not even a big rat, a small one. So he said those who do bhakti with other desires, even if they do such hard work, but what is it like? It is like digging up a mountain to discover a small rat. So we should not be like this. We should check our hearts.

If you want to know what is the sad-guru and sad-sisya, then you will have to go and follow the lives of our Acaryas. How our acaryas are serving their Guru's in such an exemplary way. Then we can understand. Without hearing about the lives of our Guru varga, Locanatha dasa Goswami, Narottama das Thakura, Visvanatha Thakura, Baladeva Vidyabhusana, Bhaktivinoda Thakura, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura, our Gurudeva, our Param Gurudeva and others, unless we hear their caritram, their life histories, absorb ourselves, and glorify them, we will never be pure.

Unless we glorify our guru varga, this tongue will never be pure, and the name will never come. And if we glorify them, what will happen? By their causeless mercy their qualities will come in our heart. We should not come to guru with any material desire, come for only one thing…

Our Gurudeva has some treasure, a very valuable treasure; love and affection for the lotus feet of Radha and Krsna. All following in the guidance of Lalita sakhi, in the guidance of Rupa Manjari, come to him for this mood, only for this. And for this we should be ready to forsake everything.

At guru Purnima time, I was remembering Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. I had heard from Gurudeva how he was doing his bhajana at the end of his life. Now we should all leave this place Lampata. And quickly by heart, we should go to Jagannatha Puri, and in Jagannatha Puri come to Sri Mandira, the Temple of Lord Jagannatha. Standing outside of the Mandira, you should take a left turn and walk some distance. You will pass Sveta Ganga and then there on your right side is the house of Svarvabhauma Bhattacarya. As you keep walking you will pass the Kashi Mishra Pavana, and on the left side there is Sri Gambhira Radhakantha Matha. Now as we continue down here you will come to the bhakti kutira, the bhajana kutira of Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura, and on your left side, the samadhi of Hari dasa Thakura.

Now making a right turn and going down this road, on the right you will see Jagananda Pandits Bhajana Kutira. As we walk on, on the left side is the bhajana kutira's of Svarupa Damodara and Raghanatha das Goswami. Now come down and make a left turn onto the place where Mahaprabhu would go to take bath every day. And then around from there, follow the road, and you are now heading towards a big hill. Cataka-parvata, a very big sand dune. When Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu was in Jagannatha Puri, upon seeing this, He would become mad. He would think, "Oh this is Giriraja Govardhana." And the bhava of Srimati Radhika would rise from within His heart, and He would fall unconscious to the ground. Behind Cataka-parvata at the base of the hill, there is the Temple of Totha Gopinatha, where Gadadhara Pandit would stay. Every morning Mahaprabhu would go there and hear Srimad Bhagavatam from Gadadhara Pandit, in the association of many intimate associates.

We will not go in the temple of Tota Gopinatha today, today we will walk up to the top of Cataka-parvata, and there, there is one Matha, Sri Purusottama Matha. Now the year is about 1936, and on the top of Cataka-parvata there is the Matha. And then going up further, there is one small hut, and inside that hut, there is one very quite old Vaisnava sadhu sannyasi, sitting and chanting;

Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.

His name is Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. Now is the end of his life, and he is staying at that very place, Cataka-parvata, where Caitanya Mahaprabhu felt such high separation. Where He would fall unconscious, remembering all the moods of Srimati Radhika, maha bhava api rasa. Staying there he was chanting and doing bhajana, crying very piteously. He was remembering how, when he was very, very, young, on the order of his father, Srila

Bhaktivinoda Thakura, who had told him, "Oh you should go and take initiation from Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja." Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura was very young but very qualified. So qualified, that he was already famous throughout the whole of India in astrology. He had written a book, Surya-siddhanta. He was very, very qualified, very intelligent, and learned in so many languages.

He came to Srila Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja fell at his feet, and asked him, "Oh Gurudeva, please accept me. Please give me initiation."

Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja asked him, "Oh why are you coming to me? This is not very good. You are from a very, very, high class family." Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja was not from a high class family, he worked before as a grain merchant, his wife had died at a young age and he had left everything and was doing bhajana, very seriously. Sometimes in Vrndavana, sometimes in Radha Kunda, sometimes in Suriya kunda, and sometimes coming to Navadvipa Dhama.

Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja asked him, "Why are you coming to me you are from a very high caste, you are from a very high family. Your father is the famous Bhaktivinoda Thakura, respected by one and all.

And you are so intelligent and learned, and I don't know anything. I am illiterate (he could not even write his name, or read and write) and you are so learned, and a great astrologer, and I don't know anything, why are you coming to me? You should find any other qualified guru." But Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura was not interested in these things. He had not come to Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja for jnana, for knowledge, for fame, for his high birth or anything.

janmaisvarya-sruta-sribhiredhamana-madah pumannaivarhaty abhidhatum vaitvam akincana-gocaram.

Translation: "My Lord, Your Lordship can easily be approached, but only by those who are materially exhausted. One who is on the path of [material] progress, trying to improve himself with respectable parentage, great opulence, high education and bodily beauty, cannot approach You with sincere feeling. (Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.8.26)

Krsna is not the property of anyone who is proud of their high birth, who is proud of their vast learning, "Oh I know so much sastra siddhanta tattva jna, sastra jna." Those who are proud of their bodily beauty and these things. They cannot even chant Krsna's name sincerely, only externally, like a drama, making a show. But from their heart they cannot call on Krsna's names. So Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura begged him, "You should please accept me." Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja said, "Okay I will ask Gaura Nitai, and if They agree, then I will accept you." Soon after that, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura again came to his Gurudeva and asked him if he had asked. Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja said, "I forgot to ask." In this way again and again he would not accept him, he turned him away. But Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura was so determined.

Why, what was it that he wanted from Gaura dasa Babaji Maharaja? He was interested in one thing, namah namo gaura-kisoraya saksad-vairagya-murtayevipralambha-rasambodhe padambhujaya te. In the pranama mantra to Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja it is stated; vipralambha rasambhodhe, that he was an ocean of vipralambha rasa. All the time chanting his

Harinama, always crying, "Radhe Radhe jaya jaya jaya Sri Radhe.

Vrsabhana nandini Radhe Radhe, Kanu mana Mohini Radhe Radhe."

Like this, always… Vipralambha rasambhodhe.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura was praying, 'I give my pranama at the lotus feet of Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja'. He didn't care that he had not taken birth from a high family, or that he could not read and write.

Vipralambha rasambodhe, his heart is like an ocean of vipralambha rasa, always burning in separation. Radha Radhe Radhe, Oh Srimati Radhika, parama karuna mayi.

Oh Srimati Radhika, be merciful to me. Kanu mana Mohini Radhe Radhe.

Oh Srimati Radhika, how You are always stealing and bewildering and enchanting the mind of Kanu. Oh Vrndavana Vilasini ! Oh Srimati Radhika, You are Vrndavana Vilasini. Always performing sweet vilasa, and such extraordinary pastimes in the forest of Vrndavana. Can I see You in these pastimes? Can I serve You in these pastimes? Radhe Radhe !

Oh Srimati Radhika where are you? Radhe Radhe. Oh Srimati Radhika! Right now show Your self to me, give me Your darsana and save my life. Radhe Radhe ! I am like a beggar. I am your beggar, and I am calling out to You. Radhe Radhe Radhe jaya jaya Sri Radhe. Please be merciful to me".

Gaurakisora dasa Babaji was always like this. Can you have mood like this?. Oh you can try, singing and rolling on the ground, but this is artificial. But Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja can not check himself. He is trying but he can not. It is irresistably exploding from the core of his heart, burning in separation from Srimati Radhika, and singing this song like Raghunatha das Goswami.

Seeing this, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura wanted to accept him as his guru. Because this is Guru. Guru has these things, and if the disciple approaches his guru in a very simple way, without duplicity, wanting only this from his Gurudeva and nothing else, then easily it will come in his heart and his life will be successful. At this time his name was not Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura, it was Bimala Prasada. So seeing this, he was so greedy for this so he decided, "Alright if you will not accept me, then I will do very severe austerities."

He began candrian vrata. Candrian vrata means, on the full moon day, you can take on that day only fifteen bites to eat. Five bites in the morning five bites in the noon, and five bites in the evening. The full moon day is purnima; this day is the fifteenth day of the moon. Then the next day, the fourteenth day of the moon, only fourteen bites, the next day, thirteen bites, twelve, eleven, ten and so on until one bite for the day. And then the next day, two bites then the next three then four then five and so on. So he was doing this very, very austere vrata, and praying, "Oh Gurudeva please accept me." He became so skinny, like a skeleton and sick also.

Bhaktivinoda Thakura went to Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja and told him, "Just see this boy, how he is so determined, how he is so sincere. Why wont you accept him? On the suggestion of Bhaktivinoda Thakura, Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja called Bimala Prasada and put his footdust on his head, kept his feet on his head.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura said that, "The moment my Gurudeva put his feet on my head I lost all consciousness in this world." His Gurudeva was so powerful, and he was such a bona fide disciple that quickly everything came in his heart by the mercy of his Gurudeva. He gave him the name, Sri Varsabhanavi devi dayitaya dasa. Who is Varsabhanavi devi? Srimati Radhika. priya-svarupe dayita-svarupeprema-svarupe sahajabhirupenijanurupe prabhur eka-rupetatana rupe sva-vilasa-rupe (Madhya lila 19.121). Who is dayita svarupa? The servant of Sri Varsabhanavi devi dayitaya. In this way he began serving his gurudeva. And gradually as he began to grow, he became more and more determined in his bhajana.

In the year 1905, when he was thirty-one years old, he took a vow,

"Now I will chant, one billion names."

This is sat-sisha, so determined to do nama bhajana under the guidance of his Gurudeva. One billion names, that means three lakhas harinam, one hundred and ninety two rounds every day for ten years. So he came to Mayapura, and there by two lakes, considering them to be like Syama Kunda and Radha Kunda and Giriraja Govardhana, he was sitting in a small bhajana Kutira and just chanting, day and night. He was following strictly, catur masya. Putting his hands behind his back and eating a mouth full of rice from the floor like a cow. Srila Gaura Govinda Maharaja would also follow strictly like this, all the rules and regulations. And also chanting and always deeply absorbed in the books of Srila Rupa Goswami and Raghunatha das Goswami.

Years and years and years. No ordinary person can do this…

Upon seeing this, Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja remarked, "I can see the viragya of Raghunatha das Goswami in my prabhu." (He never called him, 'my disciple' always 'my prabhu'). He could see the viragya–the renunciation, a very special kind of love–of Raghunatha das Goswami in Sri Varsabhanavi devi dayita. So Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Prabhupada was doing his sadhana bhajana like this.

After about nine or ten years, one young boy came to him, he was only about seventeen years old, and he begged him for initiation. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Thakura accepted him as his disciple, giving him the name, Vinoda bihari Brahmacari. This is something very extraordinary and very special–Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura had given initiation to a few others, Paramananda, and the Aunties of Vinoda bihari he had given initiation; san mantra, gopal mantra, but, upon receiving these mantras from his Gurudeva, there was some speciality in Vinoda Brahmacari, something very extraordinary about him. He had realised the essence of spiritual life.

So with a bowed head and looking all forlorn and in a very serious state, he said, Gurudeva, "You are not going to give me guru mantra, guru gayatri? Or is it that I have to accept this from someone else?" In a very sorry state, in a very pathetic way, he asked this question. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura became overjoyed, and he gave him guru mantra and guru gayatri. Before that time he had not given these mantras to anyone. So we have to think to whom are we are indebted for this, Param Gurudeva Sri Bhaktiprajnana Kesava Maharaja.

After ten years of doing his vrata (sacred religious vows), Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura started his preaching everywhere, very successfully. Many young qualified boys everywhere, were leaving their wealthy families, their education and starting the preaching mission of Gaudiya Matha. In a short time it spread all over India, everywhere, and thousands and thousands of books were printed. And going everywhere, he cut the arguments of the smrta brahmanas, the sahajiya babajis, and many other sampradayas and sects who were not following the true teachings of Rupa, Raghunatha and Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. His preaching was so strong that they even tried to kill him. It was always like a constant battle.

Now come to Purusottama Gaudiya Matha, and in the bhajana kutira of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. Now he is at the very end of his life. He is always chanting and crying: "madan madana lila karuna la karuna late rati ati nava yuno tan tama smi namanda iti kila karanatum laglakatadayume nija nika tani brasum dahi bhuvata natum."

Mahaprabhu saw this place Cataka parvata like Giriraja Govardhana.

So Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura here he was praying to Giriraja, "Oh Giriraja, pramada-madana-lila kandare kandare te." Sri Sri Radha and Krsna my Gandharvika Girihari, they are performing their most wonderful pastimes. Where? In your very solitary and secluded Kunjas, in your caves of Govardhana. There the most astonishing pastimes are taking place, and you are a witness to all of them. So please, you have seen these things, be merciful to me, give me a place to stay; I also want to be there. And by your mercy I may also serve the lotus feet of my swamini at this time. What is the meaning, the purport of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura speaking this verse? He is crying and calling out to his Gurudeva, "Ha Gurudeva! O Prabhu!" Gaurakisora dasa Babaji Maharaja has left this physical world long ago. He is calling out to his Gurudeva and crying this verse.

What is the purport? He is feeling, "All my life I have never done bhajana. My Gurudeva is so kind to me, he is like an ocean of mercy. But I have not served him, I have not done bhajana, I have not attained my goal. What is my goal? Oh, to be at Govardhana…

But I am not there, I am a failure. So now I have come to the end if my life, I have wasted my time. O Gurudeva! Be merciful to me." Just like Madhavendra Puripada at the very end of his life was crying:

"ayi dina-dayardra natha hemathura-natha kadavalokyasehrdayam

tvad-aloka-kataramdayita bhramyati kim karomy aham",

Translation: " O My Lord! O most merciful master! O master of Mathura! When shall I see You again ?"

Because of My not seeing You, My agitated heart has become unsteady. O most beloved one, what shall I do now?"Calling out, "Oh Mathuranatha, please be merciful to me." At that time one very good disciple, Ramacandra Puri was saying, "Don't be upset, you should remember Brahman." He can not understand the heart of his Gurudeva. Madhavendra Puri has realised everything but he appeared to be like a sadhaka in this world, being in Yoga maya. Just like when Krsna comes from the spirit world to this world, He said, " amiha na jani taha, na jane gopi-ganadunhara rupa-gune dunhara nitya hare mana" (Adi lila 4.30) "I will appear in the world along with the gopis, we will take birth here. But when we are born here, I wont know them and they wont know Me. We will grow up, and when I see a sweet gopi and I will think 'Oh who is that?' Oh that is the daughter of Vrsabhanu Maharaja". Like meeting for the first time. How? By yoga maya. In the same way when any nitya parakaras come in this world by yoga maya they think, "I am sadhaka, and so far away from Krsna, Krsna be merciful to me. Sprinkle your mercy on me. My whole life, I have not done bhajana, and now the time of death has come, what will become of me?" Crying and crying and crying…

So Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura was like this at the end of his life. This is the mahima (glory) of our guru varga; how they did bhajana and served their Gurudeva. How they were so determined, sincere, and so humble. How their hearts felt so bankrupt, empty, and how they were thinking themselves so unqualified, "What will become of me now?" Like Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura; sri radha krsna padakamale mana kemone labhibe carana sarana ciradina koriya o carana-asa ache he bosiya e adhama dasa. "Oh Radha Krsna, how can I attain Your lotus feet? What can I do? I have had this desire for a very long time, please be merciful to me. I know I have no devotion, but is that any reason to turn me away? You should not turn me away. Please accept me. So many days have passed and I never did bhajana, those days which are gone will not come back. Oh Krsna, Oh Srimati Radhika. Now what will I do now, what can I do? I know I'm not qualified, but it is Your nature, You can be causelessly merciful. So now in my last days I am begging for Your causeless mercy. Please do something to bring about auspiciousness in my life."

Bhaktivinoda Thakura was praying, "If you can just fill my heart with prema, I'll become so ecstatic, and when I'm ecstatic I'll dance and sing, and I will glorify You, and You will become happy because You will hear my nice singing. I'll become mad in prema, and I'll sing such sweet songs, and that time when You hear them, You will laugh so much. You will be so moved. So why not please give me a drop of mercy? Please give me my siddha deha, (pure spiritual identity) and in siddha deha let me enter the rasa mandala and serve You at that time. I am not qualified but I only want to serve You under the guidance of Lalita sakhi.

This very destitute person prays, so please be merciful to me."

Those who come in this line they are so lucky their lives must be crowned with success. And if coming in this line, and having this opportunity, but still maintaining some material attachment and material desires, then this is very tragic, this is so unfortunate. I think, fie on me, fie on me. What am I doing wasting my time, wasting my days as if they were unlimited? Our days are limited.

If someone could give us the number on a piece of paper, we would be shocked.

Every breath we draw has a number on it, and there are not so many of them. So, we should think about it very deeply, and try to do bhajana under the guidance of Sri Sri Hari, Guru, and Vaisnava, leaving everything else aside. So Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Prabhupada, feeling these moods within his heart, called all of his disciples around him and told them, "Listen to me this is my final instruction. I have spent so much time just cutting jungles, arguing with everyone, defeating so many people. But I don't want you to do this! For preaching, some time must be spent in this way, but don't pass all of your time doing this.

You should know that time is very short; we have very little time left. Therefore don't consider if you are qualified or unqualified. Don't consider whether there are many obstacles or not. And don't think of any material facility; I need money, a car, I need preaching facility… don't think of anything. Just take complete shelter of asraya vigraha. Who is asraya vigraha? Sri Guru and Srimati Radhika, they are the asraya vigraha. Taking complete shelter of asraya vigraha, just do bhajana.

This is my final instruction to you all. Madhavendra Puripada descended from the spiritual sky with the seed of the tree of the madhurya rasa bhakti. He came with this gift, and if the world neglects to follow this, it is the greatest calamity. He told them: "atva da nastadum dan taridum yatsay purna purna Srimad rupa dulisam janma janmane" Taking a straw between my teeth, like an ignorant animal, I fall on the ground again and again, and begging repeatedly. "Oh Sri Rupa, birth after birth I don't want anything, I only want to be the dust of your lotus feet."

These are the final instructions of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Prabhupada. Shortly after that, he entered into nitya-lila. And those disciples who had come to him with anya bhilasa, argued amongst themselves, and Gaudiya Matha broke up. They were arguing over money, men, temples and everything. They got the buildings and the men, but the preaching stopped, the book distribution stopped, everything was broken apart. But those who were very sincere, like my param-gurudeva; Sri Bhaktiprajnana Kesava Goswami Maharaja, walked out the door when the arguing started. Only in the clothes he was wearing, with not one paisa in his pocket, leaving every thing. He was real sat-sisya. He started his preaching with no facility, having no attachment, other than the deep attachment to the service of his Gurudeva. The parikrama of Navadvipa dhama had been stopped. Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura had written in the Navadvipa Dharma Parikrama book, that this parikrama should be developed, that by performing this parikrama, the whole world would be liberated.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura was the one who started this parikrama, following all the things that Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura had written in Navadvipa Dharma Mahatya.

In this way he was fulfilling the heart desires of Bhaktivinoda Thakura. But now this was stopped, so what did Bhaktiprajnana Kesava Maharaja do? He took a very big risk…

In 1941 he borrowed two thousand rupees. Two thousand rupees was a lot of money, even today in India two thousand rupees goes a long way. In those days you cannot imagine how much money this was. He went from village to village with some brahmacaris preaching and telling everyone, "Everyone come this Guarapurnima, we will do parikrama." He invited everyone all over Bengal.

Only a few hundred came. With the money he borrowed, he brought some pots and pans, some pandalas. He did the parikrama himself, organising everything, and taking all the

devotees everywhere and speaking all the Hari katha himself for six days. At the end of the Parikrama he went around to every devotee there and said, "How are you returning to your village?" They said, "Oh, we are walking." He said, "Oh don't worry."

He gave each person the train fare back to their village. He said, "I request one thing from you. If your feet are sore, if the prasadam was not to the highest quality, if there was any inconvenience or trouble that you underwent, then please forget it. Try to remember the good things that you have taken from this parikrama. And when you return to your village, tell everyone about the good things. Please come back next year." Individually he went to everyone on the parikrama like this. The next year hundreds of devotees came, and the next year hundreds more, and the year after, thousands, and now this parikrama is a great spectacle, there is nothing like this Navadvipa parikrama on this whole planet. In this way, Sri Bhaktiprajnana Kesava Goswami Maharaja is serving and fulfilling the inner most desires of his Gurudeva, taking all risks, having no attachment for anything.

And every year on the last day of the parikrama they came to Antardvipa to Yogapith, and there they come to the samadhi of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. And in the same way, every year, my Gurudeva, Srila Trivikrama Maharaja, and Srila Vamana Maharaja, they have experienced coming to the samadhi of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. They would sit down there and do kirtana, and my param Gurudeva, Sri Bhaktiprajnana Kesava Maharaja, at that time when he tries to speak he cannot. He wants to say Prabhupada but he cannot, only, "Prabhu"… and then his voice is choked and tears are coming from his eyes. He cannot even speak, feeling very deep attachment and separation from his Gurudeva. This is called sat-sisya, bona-fide disciple. He could only gesture at this time with his hand saying, "Oh you should speak."

He was so overwhelmed. So on this Gurupurnima day we should remember our guru varga, their lives, who they are, how they have served, how they have set an example by hearing, by speaking, by remembering. This is the process to purify the heart there is not another process. So we are very lucky to come in this line. I pray to all the Vaisnavas in Wales to watch your calendar carefully. It is very important that you don't let any appearance, disappearance or any festival go by without all coming together and celebrating like this, if you want to have prema – a love like that of our acaryas.