© 2000 VNN
|
EDITORIAL February 20, 2000 VNN5519 Related VNN Stories A Transcendental Marriage BY PRTHA DEVI DASI EDITORIAL, Feb 20 (VNN) — Why so much focus is regularly being placed on the role of the wife is strange and often another form of maya. It has been gong on in this movement almost since the beginning of ISKCON and yet we more often see men who have avoided the *full* responsibilities of their role and not so much the women at all. Still, some find a way, even through other women, to keep the focus off them and on the ladies. This religious guilt and shame placed on the females of this movement only makes our devotee society sick. It does not make anyone behave correctly though it is an escape for misbehavior by some men.
Women have been the backbone, the strength of this movement and as much as some men don't like women to be around unless they can enjoy them/get women to serve them in one form or another, without the ladies to offer a balance there would not be much of a movement or a weak one as best. We must stop making this a *man's* movement and make it correctly accessible and attractive too all, including the more intelligent class of women (doctors, lawyers, etc.) who will not join something that reduces their all ready obvious intelligence level. This is a preaching movement and everyone is invited to join. Not that women join to serve man, but to serve God. Certainly woman needs protection but let us not confuse protection with control. They are two different words with two different meanings and it seems some devotees don't want to understand that. I suggest they use the dictionary. And let us not forget that the simple brahmacari, men, also needs protection! Next, let's not minimize or underestimate the protection Prabhupada has given women. Not only via brahmacarini ashrams but also by just taking shelter of his lotus feet. Women who are devotees are NOT prone to the weakness of the mundane woman, usually proclaimed by some men as exceptional lust. For that matter we see much molestation has gone on in this movement by men - of children and of their own wife's! While some have painstakingly taken the time to point out the bad qualities of womanhood they do so in such a way as to indicate men do not have similar shortcomings. Not true. "According to scriptural injunctions, one is forbidden to engage with any woman other than ones wife. All other women are to be considered as one's mother. But in spite of such injunctions, a man is still inclined to have sex relationships with other women. BG 3.34 "Those whose senses are very much uncontrolled especially try to hunt for many women." SB 4. 26. 4 Purport To continue, if one wants to follow Western society or Eastern society, there will always be much to discuss. Big topic. But how about one who wants to follow transcendence and do something above Eastern vs. Western? We came to this movement to practice yoga, bhakti yoga. Suddenly society and *roles* have become more important? It just more bodily concept, the very thing we were trying to leave behind when we renounced our karmi life styles. Let's not find an angle to do the same old thing, thus keeping us here birth after birth. "We don't discard that 'This American Society' or 'This European Society' 'This is Indian Society' ..... No, all human being. All human being. It doesn't matter what he is." SB 1974 Lecture "If, however, one is fortunate enough to transcend the designation of birth in a society or community by being elevated to the standard of spiritual identity, than he is sva-dharma, or duty, is solely that of serving the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The actual duty of one who is advanced in Krishna Consciousness is to serve the Lord. As long as one remains on the bodily concept of life, he may act according to the duties of social convention, but if one is elevated to the spiritual platform, he must simply serve the Supreme Lord, that is the *real* execution of sva-dharma." SB 3.28.2 Prabhupada came here to give us something higher than duties of social convention, roles and so on. Of course, sublime knowledge is there. One can take it or look for loopholes. Let's try to keep in mind that our real duty is to learn how to love and actively serve Krishna. "My dear Friend, if you desire to enjoy the company of material society, friendship and love, then please do not go to see this smiling boy Govinda, who is standing on the bank of the Yamuna and playing His flute, His lips brightened by the beams of the full moonlight." Krsna Book, The Rasa Dance - Introduction, Ch 29 We can find many examples in the shastra of the mundane duty of a wife to *please* her husband but what about the entanglement of married life? Let us not present this householder ashram as the all and all, which is what happens when husband worship is gong on. Let us also remember that most quotes to support the *role* of a woman to serve the husband are varna's and ashrams, again not transcendence. So yes, if one is not ready or willing to fully apply themselves in transcendental Krishna Consciousness cent per cent, by all means, follow those other quotes Prabhupada gives woman about her position. But for those who want to get out of the material world let us remember that Prabhupada says many things: "A woman, therefore, should consider her husband, her house and her children to be the arrangement of the external energy of the Lord for her *death,* just as the sweet singing of the hunter is death for the deer." [SB 3.31.42] "A man within the material world is just like a *dead body*. In fact, superficially, the living entity is covered by this body, which is nothing but a bag of skin decorated with a beard and mustache, hairs on the body, nails on the fingers, and hairs on the head. Within this decorated bag are bunches of muscles, bundles of bones, and pools of blood. always mixed with stool, urine, mucous, bile and polluted air and enjoyed by different kinds of insects and germs. A foolish woman accepts such a dead body as her husband and, in sheer misunderstanding, loves him as her dear companion. This is possible only because such a woman has never tasted the ever-blissful flavor of Your lotus feet." KB, Ch 59, Talks Between Krsna and Rukmini. Not to misunderstand. Certainly we want happy and responsible marriages in Krishna Consciousness but let's remember, it is a temporary ashram and women too are meant to get beyond it just as much as men, and ultimately serve ONLY Krishna. If one puts too much attention into the grhasta ashram it is the same as putting too little attention on it and leads to fall down. There are many ways to be married and anything that works for anyone is all that matters. If someone is in a happy, successful and Krishna Conscious in their marriage but do not fit into the eastern role, who dares to say they are in the wrong? And who dares to say they may not have come even further in their relationship, behaving toward each other in a transcendental manner, which some offensively or mistakenly mistranslated as a western relationship. We didn't come to this movement to learn how to be married. That information is available in many places. We came here to learn how to love God and think of Him all the time. 24/7. This information is not available in other places! A woman's interest is not so different from her husbands as long as they both want to serve Krishna. It is not that the man wants to own her, take away her intelligence, do her thinking and choice making for her, telling her what to do. For a husband to make decisions about the wife's spiritual advancement is to place himself on a pedestal as well as to take away her self esteem and her ability to know who she is, thus putting all this power in his hands. Any sane man will not want that, as sooner or later (years) it will backfire since such a man would be pretending to be more advanced than he really is. Therefore the karmic bill will catch up with him. He will be lucky if his marriage survives it, and if it does, that is not to promise they will remain a happy couple after he tried to take away her sense of self in the name of religiosity. Thus one of the causes for the high divorce rate in ISKCON - too many men lording it over the wife. Fact is, there is not a *pati-guru* (husband as guru) in this age. No human man is this wonderful. Such husbands who think they are so great will have to step down and let Prabhupada be guru of the women. He would not have initiated women if he thought husbands could do the job. After all, he is not effected by their gender whereas the husband is. It is not that women can't be more advanced than the men they marry and must do what they are told. That could cause her to go backwards spiritually. The brahmanas' wife's were superior to their husbands. Though women are not claiming to be on that platform the example is still there that women are not automatically inferior, especially in an agewhere men have comedown to the same level as women. "Kalau sudra sambhavah." In this age of kali everyone is sudra. So let us all take instruction from Prabhupada and not selectively. Not that which pleases the senses but instead that which gets us out of the material world. Some think they are automatic advanced devotee because they are brahmana. However, brahmana is merely one who is in the mode of goodness, not one who is transcendentally situated. So one can follow the role of a brahmana or try to get above that. "The highest qualification of a person in the *material* world is to be brahmana. But since a brahmana is in the mode of goodness, to be a brahmana is *not sufficient* for becoming a representative of the Lord. One has to transcend the mode of goodness also and be situated in unalloyed goodness, unaffected by any of the qualities of material nature."SB 3.4.31 "But if you be engaged in *devotional service,* then immediately you transcend all the qualities. You become *more than* brahmana -- Vaishnava. Vaishnava means he is transcendental to the brahminical qualities also." SP lecture, 1973 A woman's first desire who has sincerely surrendered to Srila Prabhupada and to Sri Sri Radha Krishna are to serve and please Them. Her first duty is to understand she is not a woman. As long as one thinks of themselves as a woman or as long as a husband too much thinks of his wife as woman, all will act on the bodily platform, desiring this mundane thing or that mundane thing, even sex indulgence. To hold the expectation that all women to act, for example, as Pishima did when the husband falls into big maya is to open the door for men to make excuses to deviate and turn around and blame the wife if she leaves when he makes that choice to deviate. (Convenient double standard.) This is not helping the husband but harming him. I am not suggesting she should leave over fickleness, but no one should think the wife should stay unconditionally. To be unconditional is Gods job. Ours it to protect our soul and get out of the material world. I am not speaking of small maya a husband may be in but when he goes over board he should not think he has every right to do whatever he wants yet she is not a *good* wife if she does not tolerate it. After all, no one is as advanced as Pishima, a pure devotee, and to try to be will only lead to fall down, for the husband too. Besides, all a man has to do to keep a wife is to behave in a truthfully and purely Krishna Conscious manner. Only men who want to do nonsense and get away with it preach about unfair and unrealistic expectations of women in such ways. However, what does Prabhupada say for women devotees in this age? "My Dear Caitanya Dasi, Please accept my blessings. I am in due receipt of your letter dated April 23, 1973, and I have noted the contents. I am very much disturbed to hear of Kanupriya's activities, and I advise you that so long he is engaged in these nonsense activities, you should not have any association with him." SPL Los Angeles, 25 April, 1973 "My dear Kusha devi dasi, Please accept my blessings. I am in due receipt of your letter dated Jan. 30, 1975 and have noted the contents. I have studied your situation carefully and I encourage you to live in the temple in the association of fixed up devotees who are following my teachings strictly. If your husband cannot follow our principles properly, you are not to think that you should let that hamper your spiritual life. You should stay with us and cultivate spiritual life peacefully under Krishna's protection and care. If he is not interested in spiritual life, let him do as he pleases. I have given all of my disciple instructions to follow for making spiritual advancement, but if they do not have the desire to follow, then what can I do? Anyone who is unwilling to follow our regulated principles, you should not live or associate closely with such a person." SPL 3 February, 1975 Honolulu Prabhupada never took *freedom* away from women any more than he took it away from his male disciples as the word *disciple* means discipline. A man who has let his senses go wild, starting with the mind, has too much freedom and ends up acting on it. Srila Prabhupada had many women go out onto the streets and talk to men, distribute books, drive cars to get there and so on. It seems he trusted them to do this and did not consider such freedoms something devotee women could not handle. Yet the self-discipline of some men (and not all) in this movement is sorely lacking. Prabhupada spoke often of the importance of book distribution and Sankirtan in general. Let us not play that down or ignore it to sweep it under the carpet and replace it with the role of woman in marriage. "So we want accommodations for at least forty men and *women* which will constitute the Sankirtana Party." SPL to Sriman Radharama Sharanji 70-6-25 "Jaudarani has now become a nice *preacher,* I have report from Satsvarupa that she *gives lectures* very nicely. If we open a pavilion, I shall take Jaudarani also at that time so she will deliver nice lectures." SPL Mahapurusa, 1968 "I am especially pleased to learn that you are introducing my books as textbooks in the colleges. We especially have to try to attract the *educated* young men *and women* in your country so that in future there will be many strong *leaders* to keep our Krsna Consciousness Movement strong." SPL, Govinda dasa, New York, 4/7/73 book distribution So by all means, let us do our best to keep out of the divorce courts but let us not, in an effort to resolve that, confuse the highest teachings given on Krishna Consciousness with marriage. "This is a *new thing* in the history of the sankirtana movement. In India all the acaryas and their dependents later on only acted from the man's side. Their wives were at home because that was the system from old times. BUT in Bhagavad-gita we find that women are also *equally* competent like the men in the matter of Krishna Consciousness movement. Please therefore carry on these *missionary* activities, and prove it by practical example that there is no bar for anyone in the matter of preaching Krishna Consciousness." SPL to Himavati 69-12-20 Prabhupada's Sankirtana movement ki jai! Your Servant, Prtha devi dasi Related VNN Stories  Comment on this storyContact VNN about this storySend this story to a friend
NEWS DESK | EDITORIALS | TOP |
