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EDITORIAL February 15, 2000 VNN5475 Comment on this story Tales Of The Horror Krsna Movement BY MAHAVEGAVATI DASI EDITORIAL, Feb 15 (VNN) — "Vyasapuja" Offering to Bhaktitirtha Swami: (Part Four) "He reasons ill who telss that Vaisnavas die When thou art living still in sound! The aisnavas die to live, and living try To spread the holy name around" (Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur, 1871; written on Haridas Thakur's samadhi)
"Absolute is sentient, Thou hast proved. Impersonal calamity, Thou hast moved. This gives us a life, Anew and fresh. Worship thy feet, Your Divine Grace." (His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada Back to Godhead Vol 1, Part 9, March 1952) My dear Srila Prabhupada, I have no other shelter except your lotus feet. You are so merciful that you have also given to me your Guru Maharaja, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur and have allowed him to become my Spiritual Grandfather. Thus I have always taken the shelter of his lotus feet as well. Only due to your causeless mercy and your removing impersonal calamity, I continue to go on. I thus pray for your continued mercy on my useless self. "Tales of the Horror Krsna Movement" Before I start with the nasty details, I just want to explain that despite the title, I have NEVER rejected Srila Prabhupada OR HIS movement. I say "Horror Krsna Movement" referring ONLY to the horrors that have been created due to DEVIATIONS on the part of certain GBC individuals who have perpetrated some very vicious acts against devotees. I also consider it horrible when the GBC as a general body does not make the efforts to properly try to address these things. I still love Srila Prabhupada with the utmost of my heart. I also love the ISKCON that Srila Prabhupada INTENDED for the world, not the perversion that exists presently. I attribute it ONLY to Srila Prabhupada's mercy, and my realization, (that realization also due to HIS mercy), of what I KNOW he wanted for all of us as devotees and HIS ISKCON in general, that I still remain a devotee. Thus, when I say "Horror Krsna Movement," I am NOT referring to my Guru Maharaja's ISKCON, but the PERVERTED REFLECTION that exists today, which I HOPE will eventually be cleaned up of these deviations and horrors. I would also like to interject here that despite the description of various incidents which appear to be so negative, and the different kind of atmosphere that existed in our temples in Africa due to time, place, and circumstance, I GENUINELY AND DEEPLY LOVED ALL of the devotees that I met and served with there. I saw All of the younger devotees as my children, and often enough as happens with mothers and children, there can be some annoyances here and there. Despite that, a mother always loves her children. She sees the good qualities of the child and gives those qualities so much more precedence over the negative ones. Thus I ask the reader to please keep in mind the fact that I am submitting these examples with the intention of showing the reader what I experienced in serving under Bhaktitirtha Swami and HIS WAY of doing things. 1988 - Nigeria: Nothing too much adventful in Nigeria at this particular point in time other than the "usual" problems encountered in BTS's zone in Africa. (And these "usual" problems, ESPECIALLY due to BTS's management and some other factors, could be enough to drive ANY devotee, old or new, crazy. It is no wonder that Krsna did not send so many foreign devotees to serve under Bhaktitirtha Maharaj in Africa. As for those devotees who did come, they USUALLY did not stay very long. I hold one of the longest records - if not the longest record - for serving under BTS in Africa.) The real "action" began when BTS came in 1990 with Mother Z to Nigeria. (Before they came to Nigeria, they had been traveling and preaching together in other African countries for six months.) I had been in Nigeria, as well as various other countries in Africa, traveling around preaching and going to the temples to give whatever management and other assistance was needed. I traveled alone, (under BTS's instruction), since day one, back in the early 80s. (Now someone may say, "Oh, just see; she is SUCH an INDEPENDENT WOMAN." NO, I am NOT. EVERYTHING I did was UNDER BT Swami's INSTRUCTION. Even I did NOT necessarily WANT to do as I did, but I did it BECAUSE that was my prescribed service, and I was ACTING UNDER HIS INSTRUCTION.) When BTS came in 1990, he told me that he wanted me to travel with him and Mother Z, so I came and met them at the Lagos temple and started traveling with them, the Regional Secretary of Nigeria, BTS's driver, and Mother Z's servant. After some time, I felt quite uncomfortable traveling with BTS and Mother Z. Things were just not "kosher," and with time, the situation got worse. BTS would come to me with his anxieties over the situation, and Mother Z would come to me as well, expressing her anxiety. They were BOTH writing some very WEIRD letters to one another, (even though they were traveling with and seeing each other every day), and they BOTH would show me the letters that they had received from one another. I felt COMPLETELY UNcomfortable with what was going on, and after a few sessions of BTS's calling me in - his being pretty freaked out - I told him that I wanted to leave and just go back to doing my "regular" service. But BTS INSISTED I stay with them and I agreed to do so. Some time later, my feeling increased discomfort with the situation, (BTS and Mother Z, BOTH, continuing to confide in me their anxieties about each other), I AGAIN told BTS that I wanted to leave them. He again insisted that I HAD to stay. He grabbed my wrist and demanded, "You HAVE to stay here. You have to protect me from falling down." (According to Mother Z they had already had some difficulty.) I again agreed to stay, and the situation between them became more intense. One day BTS sent me a note with one devotee telling me to come to see him. I went to his ashram where he was finishing beating Mother Z with a newspaper. She left, and he asked me if it bothered me that that he had hit her. I told him that I "didn't know what to make of the situation" and that I thought that they were both crazy. BTS then tried to explain to me how "Mother Z had become 'so uncontrollable' and 'so insubmissive'" that he "HAD to beat her." BTS then went on to try to give me some "examples" of her "uncontrolled" behavior to convince me of the "necessity" for his beating Mother Z. I just wanted to LEAVE the whole situation, and I asked him to PLEASE ALLOW me to "leave and get away from them," and I gave him my reasons. BTS AGAIN, insisted that I "HAD to stay" - and so I did. All this while, I was in Nigeria illegally, with an expired visa. (Seems to be a "pastime" huh? But these visa "pastimes" were NOT due to my negligence; I was simply following my instructions. Whenever I had my passport in MY possession, I NEVER had ANY problem with updating my visa. As soon as my passport made it to BTS...) I kept reminding BTS about my immigration status: that I was ALREADY illegally in Nigeria for two years now. BTS kept telling me, "Don't worry about it; I will see to it that you get out of Nigeria safely before I leave the country. I PROMISE you." (Remember all of those other "promises" that BTS made? Never kept a SINGLE one of them, and he did NOT keep this one either.) BTS eventually sent Mother Z to another country in Africa. The night BTS was taking his airplane to the US, he told me he was leaving Nigeria THAT NIGHT. I asked, "What about your promise to get me out of here before you left?" BTS answered, "If you want to get out of here, you've got to use your Deities' money." And BTS left, leaving me there illegally in Nigeria. Before I close the Nigerian chapter here, I would like to relate a few more things to give some example of BTS's nature. Afterwards, I will tell the devotees how I was able to make it out of Nigeria, and NOT into a Nigerian jail: BTS had one female disciple, Mother H, who was one of the most problematic matajis in ALL of Nigeria ISKCON. ALL of the TPs and many devotees, (male and female), would complain to me about her, asking me to address these matters, but I could do nothing because BT Swami would not give me any sanction. (Mother H actually was very expert in so many areas; cooking, typing, etc., and she was a very intelligent, but passionate woman. The main problem with Mother H was that more often than not, her intelligence was misdirected and so was her passion. This created a lot of problems for so many devotees.) Mother H was regularly starting physical fights with BOTH female and male devotees. (Even one night when I went to break up a fight that she had started, I ended up getting hit. Mother H organized for ten women, as well as herself, to fight another mataji. Hearing the screaming, I went to attend to the matter. Entering into the room, I was met with five glass bottles which came crashing down simultaneously on MY newly shaved head. These were originally intended for the victim, but happened to hit me as soon as I went into the middle of the group to break up the fight. (I Guess I just must have came in at the wrong - or right? - time, (depending how one looks at it. I suppose I worked off some karma.) Mother H was also regularly breaking the principles, with the exception of gambling, and she could not keep her hands to her own material possessions. (In other words, she would steal things.) She would also lie about other devotees to get them into trouble - and the list can go on, and on, and on and... Of course, for BTS it was no problem; he never had to live with any of this. The other devotees did though, and when BTS came, for the most part this disciple, Mother H, would be on her better behavior, as she often traveled with BTS. At one point Mother H tried to lie to one TP about me. I proved myself NOT guilty by bringing one life member who was a witness to everything, and he told the facts of the matter. (This particular gentleman was known by all of the TPs in Nigeria as a very reputable person. He was an "oldtime" life member, initiated in the late 70s.) Mother H became very angry after she was chastised by the TP when it was proved that she was lying. In that angry mood, with her "plan" foiled, (most probably also feeling some embarrassment at being caught in her lies), Mother H went into the room where I was staying, while I was still in the TP's office with him and the life member. Mother H took my false teeth from their napping bowl - False teeth are aquatics. When they are not in their owner's mouth rendering service, they like to nap in water - and THREW them on the floor, thus breaking them. (Needless to say, I was QUITE perturbed. I had ALREADY TOLERATED SO MUCH NONSENSE from this mataji, both on a managerial and a personal level: her REGULAR stealing of things from my room; her REGULAR lying to life members and devotees AND to BTS about me, etc. At that point, I was almost ready to address the issue physically, but I held off on that; instead I wrote to BTS, who when he came TOLD me that HE would replace the teeth. (He even said, "No, it is not right that you should have to pay for them. I will take care of it.") To make it short, I found one African dentist in Port Harcourt, (Nigeria), who was willing to make a set for $350, and I told BTS. BTS told me he wanted me to continue traveling with his entourage, and said that I should get them done in Lagos. I was directed to one Indian dentist who wanted $800 for a set of teeth. I told BTS and said, "I should just go back to Port Harcourt and have the dentist do it there." BTS replied, "I want you to stay here for our preaching engagements. Just have this dentist here do it, and I will take care of it." So I followed the instruction and went to the Indian dentist in Lagos. When it came time for me to make the initial payment, I went to BTS, who then told me that I had to pay for my own teeth. "Take it from your Deities' money." And that was that. The dentist never got to finish the teeth because he left to go to India for at least four months, and I was NOT going to stay in Nigeria for four MORE months just for a set of teeth. Thus, I ended up losing out on $800 for those teeth. And when I got back to the US, later in 1992 when I got up the laksmi and had a pair of teeth made, I had to pay $1900 for them. Another side issue with regard to Mother H and BTS (to give another example of the way BTS would NOT address issues properly, and which caused INTERFERENCE with my service to him), is as follows: When BTS and Mother Z came to Nigeria, BTS told Mother H to become Mother Z's personal servant and to travel with her on the entourage. Mother H started to regularly go to life members and devotees and tell them that I "was milking the temples of all available monies. Because of that, the temples were suffering." The devotees knew that this was not true, but some congregational and life members started to angrily question me. I told BTS about this and explained to him the NEGATIVE effect it was having on my preaching. I asked BTS to please speak to his disciple about this matter and get her to stop, but BTS did NOT. (I also asked him to please tell Mother H to STOP STEALING my possessions, as well, but BTS also would NOT do this.) Mother H's CONTINUED activities in this regard began to have a very negative effect on my relationship with the very congregational members whom I had previously had good relationships with. (Some of the congregational and life members would directly come to me to ask, (or even INTERROGATE), me about Mother H's allegations, whereas others never even came to me to ask me. These other members believed her because they saw her as being "an intimate disciple" of BTS because of her being chosen to travel with her Guru Maharaj and to serve Srila Bhaktipada's sanyasini. Mother H also played on certain existing sensitivities that many African people have in terms of how they relate with White people due to the past experiences sustained under the colonialists.) At one point BTS wanted Mother Z to put on white cloth. (She and I were originally wearing saffron, she being one of Kirtanananda's sanyasinis, my wearing saffron with BTS's approval when I went to Africa the second time because BTS did not want me wearing white cloth in Africa, his reason being that white cloth was associated with African voodoo and African witchcraft.) BTS also had her change her name from the sannyas name that Kirtanananda gave her and instead use the name that Srila Prabhupada had given her at initiation. BTS called me into his room and told me of his plan. He told me that he was doing this "to control Mother Z." He said, "I don't know what else to do to control her. She has become too independent. I am thinking that if I take away her sannyas, make her wear white, and use the name that Srila Prabhupada gave to her, she will then become submissive." BTS said that he wanted me to put on white as well, "so that it will help your Godsister, and not confuse the devotees". (BT Swami's "explanation" to the devotees for the change of cloth: "This woman's sannyas is only 'an experiment' that Srila Bhaktipada is doing. Srila Prabhupada wanted his sanyasinis to wear white cloth. So now we are making this change.") After the incorporation of the change of cloth, Mother H told the devotees that due to MY "having a falldown," BTS put me in white cloth and made Mother Z dress in white cloth as well to "save me from the shame". Mother H continued telling devotees this, and it was having a very negative effect on ALL of my preaching efforts. (The MAIN service that BT Swami had SENT me to do in Africa was preaching to, counseling, and assisting the devotees, as well as preaching outside the temple. Thus it was NECESSARY that I have proper credibility in the minds of all of the people with whom I had such interactions. Mother Z's service was traveling with BTS and preaching with him. She did not have any service with relation to the devotees.) When I told BTS what was going on, and the necessity of his telling his disciple to stop her activities if he wanted me to continue to be effective in the service he had given me, BTS would NOT do ANYTHING. He simply told me, "Just try to tolerate it." Tolerating was no problem; that I COULD do. But Mother H was such an effective liar, and the fact that she was traveling with her Guru Maharaj and serving "Srila Bhaktipada's" sanyasini, this added very MUCH "credibility" to her lies. The fact that BTS did NOTHING to stop her lies also added to what appeared to be their "credibility." THIS, BTS's LACK of PROPER intervention, in and of itself was the MOST harming factor. This behavior was TYPICAL of Bhaktitirtha Maharaj. It was due to this EXACT behavior, that so often, despite my endeavors to try to effectively carry out those instructions, WHICH BTS HIMSELF HAD GIVEN ME; due to his his not involving himself properly in a situation, his own lack of integrity and lack of honesty, my ability to render my service would be reduced. Sometimes it would even be directly SABOTAGED by HIM. I could have been so much more of an effective instrument in my services had BTS done the necessary and had he been honest. For the WHOLE time while I was in Africa, although it was HE who was giving me my service, it was ALSO HE, who was in so many ways, by this type of behavior and other behaviour, SABOTAGING my attempts to carry out HIS instructions. What was already a very demanding service, was made so much more intense due to these kinds of games played by Bhaktitirtha Swami. There is also one other thing that I will relate with regard to my serving under BTS while in Nigeria to give you another picture of one of his sides: The last time that BTS came, we discussed my going on to India from Nigeria. With BTS's sanction, I wrote to Radhanath Maharaj asking him if I could come to India and serve under him. Radhanath Swami wrote back and replied, "If BTS gives his permission." So BTS wrote a letter to Radhanath Swami and gave his approval. When it came time for BTS to get his visa for India, I was also SUPPOSED to get mine as well. BTS then told me that he "had changed his mind," and told me that I would NOT be allowed to get a visa. Thus, unless I was going to physically fight him in the car, he would NOT allow me to get a visa. (Why didn't I just go at a later date on my own? Because I had NO idea where the Indian embassy was, and NONE of the Nigerian people who I asked knew where it was either. I could not get any help from the two devotees who knew where it was, because they KNEW that BTS did not want me to go to India. And BTS NEVER told Radhanath Swami that HE, (BTS), had decided to change his mind. Thus Radhanath Swami was left to think that I was simply some foolish irresponsible, and whimsical woman.) Thus, I was left in Nigeria with an expired visa and the possibility of my having to go to jail for that violation. BTS KNEW that if a White woman goes to jail in an African country, she WILL get raped AND killed. But he did NOT care. Due to his difficulty in his sannyas, and my knowing about it, he left me in this situation. I was finally able to get out of Nigeria - FORCED to use my Deities' laksmi to get me out. I had to buy a ticket for $1285 from Lagos-NYC-Buffalo, (buying the ticket to Buffalo in NYC), as well as my having to pay a $350 bribe to immigration officials and $100 to a soldier for a "safe escort" out of the airport and into the departure gate. Did it all end here? NO IT DID NOT: When I got "home" to the US, I was literally out on the street. I tried to telephone BTS, but he would NOT speak to me. I was FORCED by BTS's paranoia, his fears and concerns over his OWN difficulty in his sannyas, (and maybe even his guilt with regard so many other things that he had done), into such a position. DESPITE my efforts, I was not able to get back into any ISKCON temple, although for some short time I did go to the Toronto temple, where I was engaged in cooking several offerings, doing quite a bit of the Deity worship, and mopping the floors. I finally had to leave because my body could not handle the service load. While in Toronto, I spoke with Bhakti Marg Swami about my situation. He told me that there was a GBC Justice committee, and he recommended that I write to them. I followed his recommendation but I got nowhere. I wrote four letters to the Justice Committee comprised of Ganapati Swami, Virabahu prabhu, and the other devotee on the committee, (whose name I can not remember). I also wrote a letter to Jayadvaita Swami, who wrote me back to say that he forwarded my letter on to the Justice committee members. Thus, they received a FIFTH letter from me as well, and NONE of my FIVE letters received ANY answer. Later, when Sesa prabhu took over as the Minister of Justice, I wrote to him, and like the last committee members, I got NO response to any of my letters. It was in 1995, when I went up to Sesa prabhu at the Toronto Rathayatra that I got some response from him. Although Sesa prabhu made it VERY OBVIOUS that he did not want to have to speak with me, he did give me the "courtesy" of saying that he had spoken to Bhaktitirtha Swami and that BTS replied that it "was 'unfortunate' what happened." Sesa then told me he had to "catch up with his wife" who was walking right ahead of us. (And THAT was IT.) Sesa prabhu said he could do nothing, but that he "would try to speak to BTS again." And again, when I TRIED to write to Sesa prabhu, I got NO response. I telephoned him, but whenever I called, he would always tell me, "I have to get off of the telephone. My wife has to use it." When I went to Alachua and I saw Sesa personally, he again gave me some LAME "excuse" as to why he "could do nothing" to address the issue. I also wrote many times to Sudharma Mataji, (the head of the Women's Ministry). I later telephoned her about my situation. When I asked her why it was that she did not reply to ANY of my letters, she told me that she did not receive ANY of my letters. She also told me, "I can't do anything for you. BTS is our biggest supporter, and it would go against my interest." (Sudharma Mataji also told me that she did not want me to question BT Swami at the women's meeting that took place in Sept 1998 when he came to that meeting. I ended up at that meeting since I was in the Columbus temple at the time, and Malati Mataji wanted all of the women in Columbus to go.) In the meantime, since the latter part of 1990, when I returned to USA, BTS was discrediting my character to different devotees and GBC leaders. I know this to be a fact, because over the years many devotees have told me what BTS has said to them about me. I tried MANY times to speak to BTS over the telephone, or in person IF I saw him somewhere, but BT Swami ALWAYS avoided speaking about the issues. I spoke or wrote to several GBC devotees since I came back from Africa: Jayapataka, Hrdayananda, Ravindra, Virabahu, and others, and got NOWHERE. I wrote to temple presidents trying to find a temple where I could go and render service. I also got NOWHERE with that. In April 1997, one devotee couple, Annapurna Mataji and Jiva prabhu, asked me to come to live on THEIR land just OUTSIDE of Gita Nagari. (They had earlier asked me to come up in December to help them look for land, with the possibility of my coming to live on it with them.) Annapurna Mataji later telephoned me and told me that there was a trailer for sale. She asked me if I would be interested in getting it, so I sent her the laksmi to purchase it. Within TWO MONTHS, (in June), my trailer was sold RIGHT FROM UNDER ME BEFORE I CAME TO LIVE THERE, although I was coming in July. This happened ONLY because of Annapurna Mataji's being pressured by other devotees, (who happened to be my "best friends"), to do so, due to the situation with BTS. There have been times when devotees have come to me to tell me some of the things that BTS tells them as well as other devotees about me. (I do not wish to give the names of these devotees because it will cause them difficulty from BTS. Some of those devotees live in Gita Nagari. Some of them are even his disciples.) The "usual line" is, "Mahavegavati is crazy due to head injuries she sustained while in Africa." The other one is that I "stole laksmi" from BTS. NEITHER of these statements is true. My only form of "crazy" is that I am NOT a pure devotee; I do NOT see Krsna. According to the standard procedures which are used in psychological assessments, I am not "crazy," "mentally imbalanced," or what have you. I should also explain here, that when I returned to the US in 1990, I was asked by different devotees if I had received the several letters and packages that these devotees sent to me, (put directly into BTS's hands), but I did NOT receive them. Even at one point in Lagos, BTS came to me, (with the letter in hand), angrily asking me WHY it was that I had written to Jayapataka Swami asking him if I could come to Mayapur. (BTS had opened and READ MY letter.) I sent many packages and letters to devotees in West Africa, who sent me letters in USA requesting that I send them this or that. I sent the items to BTS, (who confirmed over the telephone that he DID receive my packages), to give to the various devotees. (I NEVER thought that BTS would not give these devotees - many of them his OWN disciples - the packages and letters, but he did NOT give the devotees the items that I had sent to them on THEIR request. BTS instead REdirected the items to wherever it was that he chose. I know, because of the subsequent letters that devotees sent me asking me why it was that I had NOT sent them the PROMISED items.) BTS also did NOT bring me the many gifts that devotees were sending to me c/o BTS, as they would ask in their letters to me, "You did not mention the xxx that I sent to you..." So this was ALSO another aspect of BTS's character. In 1997 to 1998 I was living in New Vrndavan. (I was "invited" to come there to render a specific service to which I agreed, but upon my coming I was NEVER given that service. Another condition was that I would give my disability benefits to the temple. I told the NV board member who called me to come there, that at some point I was up for a disability review, and that I COULD lose my disability laksmi. I asked, "If I lose the review, will the board tell me that I have to leave?" She told me no, so I agreed to come. I was later told by the New V TP, Mother Jaya Sri, that if I lost my benefits after the review, that I WOULD have to leave NV. After seeing the "loving relationships" that existed on the part of the management with relation to devotees, I DECIDED to leave NV sometime later.) Mother Malati was very involved with the management in New Vrndavan. At one point she asked me to tell her what happened between BTS and me. She explained that she had heard some things from different devotees, and that she wanted to know what happened. Knowing her nature, I told her that I did not want to discuss the matter. She kept insisting that I tell her, so I finally did. Malati Mataji, not believing me, became very upset, and from that time on, on many occasions she would get VERY heavy with me about the Bhaktitirtha Swami issue, (literally IN my face.) Because Malati prabhu was regularly on my case about this, when she was officially made GBC, after one particularly "heavy" session of her attack, I told her, "Look. All along, I have tried to responsibly address this issue. I tried to speak with BTS, and got nowhere. I tried to address it to the various Justice committees. The only thing that I was asking was that BTS and I go before any Deity of his choice, with some senior, non-partial Prabhupada disciples present, and we discuss the issues. If you are GBC, instead of always chastising me, why don't you arrange this." Malati then said that she would do it, and a meeting was arranged to take place in New Vrndavan on July 10, 1998. The meeting did take place, although it was NOT arranged exactly as requested. It was SUPPOSED to take place in New Vrndavan, in Lord Nrsimhadev's presence - This was BTS's choice of Deity and place - at the last moment it was decided that the meeting would NOT take place in Lord Nrsimhadev's presence, but in BTS's cabin where NO Deities were present. (I had specifically requested that it take place in the presence of the Deity, because I KNOW BTS, and I KNEW that he would lie if there was no Deity present. I THOUGHT that if the meeting took place in the presence of the Deity, BTS would be forced to address the matters honestly.) Another condition was that the meeting should take place with NON-PARTIAL senior Prabhupada disciples present to hear the issues. This also was NOT the case. Malati said that she would head up the meeting with Radha Dasi, (a disciple of Mukunda Maharaj). I questioned Radha Dasi's being present, as I felt it improper that a junior devotee be called upon to hear a case in relation to one of the Godsiblings of her Guru Maharaj. Malati said that she wanted Radha Dasi there and added that BT Swami would be allowed to bring one devotee of his choice to come. I then said that if he could choose to bring someone to support him that I should also be allowed to bring one devotee. Malati agreed to that. (Originally I wanted IMpartial Prabhupada disciples who knew nothing about the issues to hear the case so that they could render the most impartial decision possible - one based upon what they felt the truth of the matter was. I ended up asking Lila Suka dasi to come on my behalf. She knew me from the 70s, and I was serving in her Gurukula in New Vrndavan. I felt that if BTS tried to tell the devotees that I "was crazy due to head injuries" or that I "had stolen laksmi from him," Lila Suka would be able to substantiate my state of sanity as well as for my being honest. One interesting point is that the day before the meeting, Lila Suka Mataji went to speak to BTS about the meeting. She then came to me saying, "I think that you should just forget this meeting. BTS is such a nice devotee. The only thing that he wants to do is to help all of the devotees in the movement. I think that you should just drop all of this.") Malati's bias was always VERY obvious so long before the meeting, (for a year), and it made itself very obvious IN the meeting. Whenever I tried to bring up an issue, Malati chastised me. She even chastised me for bringing in my Silas, saying that this was bogus. She said that she had NEVER heard of such a thing. DESPITE my pointing out to her the validity of addressing such issues in the presence of the Deity - by referring to the Saksi Gopal story in CC Madhya 5th chapter, and Srila Prabhupada's July 4th, 1975 lecture in Chicago - Malati STILL would NOT accept that. (In that lecture Srila Prabhupada said, "And it is the system still now in India, if there is some disagreement or quarrel between two parties, so still they would go to the temple - temple is dharma ksetra - so that one may not dare to speak a lie in front of the Deity...You cannot speak lies before the Deity. That is offense.") DESPITE the fact that the meeting was NOT properly conducted, (even according to the WRITTEN FORMAT sent by Sesa prabhu), a decision was rendered. (The meeting was NOT properly conducted in that 1) It was not conducted with IMpartial senior devotees present. Malati herself was OBVIOUSLY hostile towards me. 2) Not all of the issues were discussed. 3) Even the issues that I tried to address, Malati would chastize me about. 4) Sesa himself as Minister of Justice sent a format that was SUPPOSED to be followed, and it was NOT. DESPITE the decision that WAS rendered, Malati and Bhaktitirtha Swami LIED to Sesa prabhu saying that no such decision was rendered. Sesa prabhu at that point would NOT believe me, so I spoke to one of the members in that meeting, (Lila Suka), and she TOLD Sesa that such a decision HAD INDEED been rendered, and that there were notes to prove it. DESPITE that, Sesa prabhu would NOT act on it. (You can see his email to me on VNN.) This is NOT the complete story of everything, but I feel the details submitted here are ENOUGH to give readers a good enough understanding of what happened. Although BTS is now known for his "love" preaching, (the "love man"), to general devotees and leaders, he himself has not been able to put into practice his own words with regards to offering a proper apology, and his trying to make some HONEST rectification of these past events and their continued repercussions. His words speak A LOT louder than his actions. (Maybe he preaches so strongly with hopes to convince himself to do what he SHOULD be doing, but isn't.) For so long, many devotees have asked me to put my story into writing, but I did not. I was not able to do this earlier due the hellishness of it all, and the effort required to think about ALL of it and write it all down. I have FINALLY done it and I owe ALL credit to those devotees who kindly and lovingly prodded me to do so. I can only thank them because it is due to their efforts that I have finally released on to paper that which was pent up in my heart for years. I now feel some sense of relief for having finally brought it out into the open, not in small pieces here and there, but altogether. For whatever reason, (maybe that some things got lost in the electronic transfer of these submissions), not everything that I have submitted has seemed to come out exactly as I submitted it. Despite that, it I think enough has been posted to give devotees a good enough idea of what happened, and my personal experiences, (of hell), in serving under BTS for so many years, and the repercussions afterwards due to his duplicity and lack of honesty in his dealings. I am praying that my experiences and the writing of them will help other devotees, (and nondevotees who may read VNN), as well. Please accept my fallen obeisances, and All glories to Srila Prabhupada. I remain your servant, Mahavegavati dasi Hare Krsna. About the Author  Other Stories by this AuthorComment on this story Contact VNN about this storySend this story to a friend
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