About The Author
Srila Bhaktiraksaka Sridhar Deva Goswami MaharajaSpiritual Master(s):
Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakura
Year Initiated: 1927
Age: 1895-1989
Current Residense:
Aprakata-lila Sri Navadwip Dham
Occupation/Service:Gaudiya Vaishnava Acharya
Author's Web Page:
http://www.scsmath.com/ Affiliations:
Sri Caitanya Saraswata Matha, Navadwip Dham Interests: Gaudiya Siddhanta About the Author:
A short autobiography of Srila Sridhar Dev Goswami Maharaja~
(transcribe of a taped conversation)
I was born at midnight, Saturday 10th October, 1895. Navami tithi [lunar
day] under the same sign as Lord Ramchandra. Krsna-paksa [dark moon
fortnight]. Sriman Mahaprabhu was also born on a Saturday. I was the
second child. The first was a daughter, but she died early, so Ram Kavach
[a protective mantram and amulet] was given to my mother for the protection
of the next child, that is, myself. So I was born after my mother took Ram
Kavach.
There were two thatched rooms, one of which was the maternity room.
Because the first child had been lost, after I was born and my mother was
still confined within the maternity area, just in the front of that place
my two English-knowing cousins kept night watch to make sure that any
ghosts or something like that may not come in the shape of a cat, or in any
other way. So as they were reading and studying, they would protect the
first half of the night. They were B.A.s studying for M.A. And during the
second half or last portion of the night two Sanskrit students, one cousin
and another an uncle, sat there just in front of that temporary shed,
reading, to guard against any unseen attack at that time. They all kept
night watch.
Then, as I remember, when I was a boy being carried on the shoulder of my
father, there was going in the distance one Sankirtan party; crying, I
asked him to take me there. Anyway, to console me he took me there for
some time and then came back.
I had a very good memory, especially in Sanskrit. I was taught a sloka in
praise of Lord Siva, and I could chant that by memory. When I was one year
eight months, my grandfather died, but I can't remember him. My earliest
recollection is an earthquake. I was born in 1302, Mohammedan era, and
1304 in the month of Vaisakh there was an earthquake. I was only a child
then of one year and eight months or so, but I remember that . I remember
the shaking of the earth, so many cows gathered, and so on-this is my
earliest recollection.
Then, my first brother was born when I was three. I remember the scene of
the birth of my brother, around August, 1898. I also remember when I
reached the age of five and I was engaged in studying writing, and I was
given to my maternal uncle's house. Many things before that I can remember
as well. And when I was in my maternal uncle's house, for three years for
early education in a primary school, I got some help from one of my aunts
who taught me Ramayana and Mahabharata. That helped me a great deal.
Already I had some affinity for all those things, some type of intuitive
knowledge and partiality to ancient mythological teachings and culture of
the orthodox section. From very childhood my tendency was with culture of
the orthodox section-Veda, Upanisad, etc., faith in God-all these things.
At nine years I was admitted into high school [intermediate according to
the current system in India]. As a student, there in the debating club I
always sided with the ancient Sastric culture, even against the teachers
that took up the cause of the renaissance or reformation. I was always on
the side of the previous culture. I fought with them, and I don't think
they could defeat me. Then I got my sacred thread in the family tradition
when I was fourteen years. I feel that my memory was more or less quite
sharp. I could remember what I saw and heard in my early age.
I am told that I had a general tendency that if anyone would come to ask me
something, I would reply, "No." Whatever would be asked of me, "No." But
once, when one of our family-members, a scholar, went to appear for his
examination, he came to ask me whether he would pass or not. I pronounced,
"Yes." And he won a scholarship. Then I matriculated from the local High
School when I was fifteen years of age. I could write Sanskrit verse
before that.
I like sacrifice in life. The magnanimous side. I had affinity for Lord
Ramchandra, for the model Pastimes, but not so much Lord Krsna, because of
His Vrndavan Lila. I could not accommodate why God should be a liar and a
girl-hunter. I could not accommodate this. Though I saw Radha-Govinda
Murttis [Deities]-They seemed to be very, very charming. I found some
mystic background there, but on the surface, I had more liking for
Ramchandra than Krsna.
My attraction to Krsna first came through Bhagavad-Gita, and then through
Mahaprabhu. I liked Ramchandra for His magnanimity. I was mainly
attracted by the self-giving ideal. So I liked Radharani very much, I
liked Mahaprabhu very much, but my attraction to Krsna was less. My
attraction to Krsna came through Mahaprabhu and through Radharani-from
Their side. When I was nine or ten or so, there was a temple where
Radha-Krsna Deities were installed in Jagadananda Pur, near Katwa. Every
year in Karttik month my father used to read Srimad-Bhagavatam there.
Sometimes I visited that temple with him, and I found some mystic
atmosphere there. It seemed very mystical to me.
After matriculation I went to Baharampur [District Mushirabad] for college
study at the Krishnanath College. There, with the company of one of my
cousins, my maternal uncle's son, I came into connection with the East
Bengal people, who were renowned, we had heard, for their boldness and
sacrificing nature. I took residence in the same hostel as them.
Somehow, I had passed matriculation second division, [Srila Guru Maharaj
had suffered a very dangerous bout of malaria for a whole year at that
time.-Ed.] but I passed I.A. [Intermediate Arts] in the first division.
When we were studying in the local school, we had to do some family works
along with our study. But now, from the hostel, I passed in the first
division.
Then I was again admitted in that same college at Baharampur. After the
fourth year we sat for the examination of B.A. When I was a student of the
fourth year I came into the connection of a younger boy who had just passed
matriculation and was newly admitted into the college. In the college I
found that there was a small section of students who were addicted to some
meditation and puja, etc. And there was another group that did not care
for worshipping, but they liked the service of patients, and to do good for
the public. But I have an internal nature for both.
I was a fourth-year student and that boy was a first-year student-three
years gap. I found that he was given to both sides very intensely; taking
the Name of the Lord sometimes very loudly like a madman, and also doing
sandhya-vandana [regular morning, noon and evening prayers and worship]
etc. At the same time, when there was any patient he would engage himself
in their service, even neglecting to attend the college class. Both
sides-social service as well as worship were combined in him.
Before this, when I was in school I got a book where it is mentioned that
if we can go on with the japam [meditational chanting] of Gayatri 432 times
daily, we can achieve a very good spiritual improvement. I practiced that
for some time, and at that time I tried my best to understand the revealed
truth-without consulting any dictionary or grammar; I had heard that
Gayatri is conscious, spiritual, not dead words. So, if I go on with japam
Gayatri itself will express its meaning and purpose. I approached it with
that attitude, and I used to feel some light coming from the words of
Gayatri itself; I had some knowledge about that for some time.
Then, as I said, I came in connection with that boy in college, and I tried
to associate with him. His name was Sri Suresh Bhattacharyya-he came from
a Brahmana family of Faridpur. The founder of the Bharat-sevashram, Sri
Pranavananda, was from his village. Sripad Madhusudan Maharaj also comes
from the same village-Bajepratap-pur in the district of Faridpur.
One day, when we two were going on a morning walk and also cleaning our
teeth with small twigs, he referred to his father with the expression,
'that gentleman.' I took exception to that.
"Why do you use this expression for your father? You say that gentleman?
What is this!"
He said, "Yes, I have committed a wrong; I shouldn't have spoken in this
way before you. But really it is like that. 'That gentleman'-he was a
gentleman, and in this life I came to him and he has protected me for some
time, and in the next life I shall go to some other place; in this way we
are moving hither and thither, coming to some gentleman and from there to
another gentleman..."
Although I gave opposition, that point hit me very hard. I began to think,
"Yes, it is true. We are in the midst of father, mother, brother, or, as
he said, 'that gentleman'. What real connection have I with them, or they
with me? We are all almost like strangers!" Thinking and thinking on this
point the whole world became as vacant. I felt a furious atmosphere, with
no shelter to take anywhere. A chaotic position, and I have no position of
stability. Wherefrom am I coming, where to go, how long am I to stay
here-this is a point in the infinite. I am an uncertain point in the whole
of the infinite. A great shock came to me in this way. And that was the
great turn in my life.
The worldly achievement has no value. I was studying, a fourth-year
student. I was to appear in a few months for the final examination. My
friends were alarmed at seeing my position. "What are doing? You are
neglecting your studies! How will you be able to pass? Your father is
sending money [for your education]; you are not so rich."
In this way they tried their best to help me but I couldn't concentrate on
any book of study. They said, "If you can't do so, we shall read and you
try to hear." At that time, my friend gave me some literature on
Mahaprabhu's Life and Teachings, and I devoured it like nectar. I found
some position there-it is not that I am nowhere. Here is the support-the
basis, the foundation; I found here the sustenance, hope and shelter I
needed.
In this way I began to read and read. My very nature was that whatever I
read, I read scrutinisingly. It may be slow, but my reading is more or
less very accurate and representing the true aspect. I could also hear
very clearly. Even without reading, acute hearing was also a part of my
nature. Whatever I heard, I could grasp the very purpose and keep it
within me. And here also by thorough reading I found my life, my future
hope, everything. I was converted. In my mother's family there was some
recognition of Sri Chaitanyadev, but my paternal were orthodox smarttas.
They hated the followers of Chaitanyadev. Chaitanyadev has created a
chaotic society. Pests that cannot keep their own stand in the social
position-it is they who gather to follow Chaitanyadev. Those who have lost
their social position become Vaisnavas and they say that they are followers
of Chaitanya. In my father's family they held such a hatred. But after
this I became fully converted into a follower of Chaitanya. Such a feeling
came in me, not only intellectually, but in heart and mind also. I
underwent a wholesale conversion.
Then my father died. He was disappointed and dejected. I was the eldest
son; he had some hope in me for family matters, but when he saw such change
in me, it may be said that he died almost heartbroken. The burden of the
family also came on my mind, but my state of mind was somewhere else. The
chance came to me to lead a life of abnegation. For one year the son won't
use any umbrella or shoes. I made some extreme addition-I used nothing but
one piece of cloth and a sheet for one year. And half-mad I used to do
agriculture work and service to the cows. Anyway, I passed B.A. The
Baharampur section where I appeared, my classmates, said this was a
wholesale massacre! Very few could pass, but somehow I passed. Some of my
classmates said, "Oh, by the method of worshipping and satisfying God he
has passed! He did not study at all but he passed, only by worshipping
God." They said like this.
When my father died, almost with full consciousness he passed away-he told
several things to me. One was that I would have to marry. I had never
uttered a lie. Whatever the effect, I strictly spoke the truth. But I
couldn't commit myself before him. So I felt pressured-'Whether you marry
or not don't disturb me in this time of my death. Say that you will do
it.' Anyhow, the expression came from me, "I shall try to fulfill your
request." In this way, in a modified way, I answered him. Then anyhow, I
had to marry. Married life continued for six tears. In the meantime I
went to study again in the law class. But the Gandhi movement of non
cooperation came forward and I joined the movement, because there was some
sort of promise that 'within one year I shall give svaraj [independence] to
you.'
I wanted to become a sannyasi, but the countrymen want one year, so I
thought I must sacrifice this for them. I left law college and worked for
some time posted as a secretary of the movement here in Kalna. In this
way, and sometimes in the village for two or three years. Then it was
stopped for some time, and later I was wanted for service in Calcutta.
With the help of government office superintendent I got some vocation and I
put up in Calcutta. I attended the office there.
My attraction stays always towards Mahaprabhu. In the meantime I wandered
here and there searching for a sadhu from whom to take initiation. But I
couldn't select anyone to my taste or satisfaction.
One day, I was returning from the office and I found a placard in
Chittaranjan Avenue: Gaudiya Math Mahotsav [Grand Festival] for one month.
The address was given, near the Pareshnath Temple. I found this
red-colored placard. I thought, Gaudiya Math must be Mahaprabhu's
followers, let us go and see what is there. When I was a law student,
through Suresh Bhattacharyya I knew the founder of Bharat-Sevashram, Sri
Pranavananda, and he tried his best to take me into his mission; but I
flatly refused.
"My head is sold to Mahaprabhu, Gauranga, so I can't go anywhere else."
He said, "I also have great reverence for Mahaprabhu Chaitanyadev, but I
think the first stage must be Buddhistic abnegation or vairagya and
indifference [to the world]. Second, Sankar's Vedanta or jnana. And the
last and highest will be Chaitanya's Prema. Otherwise people will
misunderstand that Prema for lust."
I replied, "Yes, what you say is alright-that Sri Chaitanyadev's
Prema-dharmma is the highest, above the Buddhistic and Sankarite
conceptions of theism. But Chaitanyadev has not told us, 'Go to the
Buddhists and practice vairagya, and then go to Sankar and have knowledge
of the Vedanta, and then come to Me.' He has told that 'wherever you are,
take the association of a sadhu and you can take the Name.'"
He was silenced.
I said to him, "If you have got any supernatural power, I will be grateful
if you can say where my spiritual guide, my Gurudev, is."
But he took the name of some gentleman, Haranath. I went to search for him
but could not find him. But this was when I found that placard and went to
Gaudiya Math. There I found only one gentleman manning the outside hall,
and the rest had all gone on procession of Nagar-sankirtan [congregational
chanting in the town]. Then I had a little talk with that gentleman. I
had studied somewhat about Chaitanyadev and other Scriptures, but I found
that these people representing the Math had deeper and more sound knowledge
than I. Then, the party came back from Nagar-sankirttan and I found Guru
Maharaj in front with his danda [mendicant's staff]. As soon as he reached
in front of the Math some disciple came and took the danda from him and
gradually he was received there.
At first sight I found Guru Maharaj's attitude was that of complete
indifference to the ordinary world. He does not care for anyone, he is
self-sufficient. I got that sort of impression from his first sight. Then
I began visiting. Gradually I came to realize that I wanted to stay in
such company.
Unfortunately I had been unable to find it before, but now the thought came
to me, what's to stop me coming and staying here? I cast my glance
homeward-father gone, mother living, three younger brothers-they won't be
much affected. But my wife will be affected. I don't know why, but a
sudden thought came in my mind that if she dies, I am free. This thought
came. I was attracted by that association. There were so many members of
gentlemanly and educated nature, and wholly given to the Service of
Mahaprabhu. That attracted me most.
And it was that very day, I came to my quarter and found that my wife was
ill. I came home that night, and after three days she passed away. My
mother tried to have me married again, but she could not do so. And within
six months she also disappeared in Haridwar at the time of the Kumbha Mela.
She died there. One of my brothers, Satyen, was attending her with other
pilgrims and sisters, etc.
I was free. I was visiting the Math. I was thinking that I must cast my
faith here, so I thought it necessary to know as much as possible about the
mission; and to know the mission means to know the leader of the mission.
So I tried to go upstairs to where Guru Maharaj stayed. I would go in
front of his room and sit there to hear, because I was thinking I shall
join here. Then one day, it so occurred that Kirtanananda Prabhu, one
brahmachari, stopped me when I was making an attempt to go upstairs.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to Guru Maharaj. I like it very much [to hear and associate]."
"No, never. You must stay here in the waiting room, and when you find
anyone you will inform him who you want to meet. He will check, and when
he returns with the answer you can go. Otherwise you must stay here.
Never cross this threshold."
A little harsh. Then I thought, 'What should be the considerate nature of
the sadhus? Why should there by any difference outwardly and inwardly? So
I need not come here again!'
But at that very moment the position of Sukadev appeared in my mind. I had
read in Mahabharata that Srila Vyasadev sent Srila Sukadev Goswami to
Rajarsi Janak to finish his education or sadhana. Srila Sukadev came, and
he was detained for seven days at the outer gate. Then information went to
Janak, who sanctioned, " Allow him to pass the gate." The next gate, he
was again detained. In this way, there were seven boundaries of the
capital, and at each of the seven gates he was detained for seven days. So
seven times seven means forty-nine days he was detained, and only then he
could meet Janak. This thought came in my mind. And then the next
concluding thought came, 'If there is anything bad here, and they take me
and put me onto a throne to worship me, I should not come here' and if
there is real good, and they beat with a broomstick, I must not leave!'
That conclusion came in my mind, and I kept visiting.
Then one day, Guru Maharaj was strolling on the roof just after having
taken his afternoon food. Generally he did not take any food at night. I
just approached, and took my stand in a corner. One man was attending him.
Guru Maharaj asked, "Has he something to say?"
The attending person came and asked me, "Have you something to say?"
"No. I have nothing to say."
He went back. "He says he has nothing to say."
Then Guru Maharaj said, "He has something to ask?"
He again came to me, and said, " Guru Maharaj said, have you got something
to ask?"
"No, I have nothing to ask."
He again returned to Guru Maharaj. "He says he has nothing to ask."
Then again Guru Maharaj put, " He has got some purpose in mind for coming
here."
The person returned to me.
I said, "Yes, without purpose no incident can happen. When I have come, I
have some purpose."
"What purpose?"
"To gain the grace of you all." That was my answer. Nothing else but that.
Perhaps that touched Guru Maharaj. He approached me and enquired from me
who I was, what I did, where was my home and so on. And then he said,
"Yes, you are fortunate. You are born in the area of Gauda-mandal."
They had one booklet printed then and the attending person said, "Guru
Maharaj is offering this booklet to you."
I said, "I already have it."
He said, "That does not matter; with his good will he is giving this to
you, so it is something else. You take it."
The I took it on my head and accepted it. That was the first talk with
Guru Maharaj.
The following year I was invited to Sriman Mahaprabhu's Appearance Ceremony
at Mayapur. At that time I was visiting the Math and hearing. I went
there for the Ceremony. At that time my mother was also inviting me to the
village Gumo where she was staying with my second brother. She wanted to
see me before going to Haridwar, and the Gaudiya Math people were also
inviting me to Mayapur. I was in a dilemma.
What to do? It was my mother's call-and maybe the last. She might not
live, her health was not good. This was the call. And I thought, I want
to take this side in my life, so this side must be given preference. That
is, I avoided the call of my mother to see her, and I went to the Gaudiya
Math instead.
>From their talks in general, I found that they do not care for the opinion
of anyone else; but when anything is quoted from Scripture, they give a
patient hearing. This was their nature. Summarily they reject all, they
don't care for anyone, but they care only for Scriptural truth; that they
soberly consider and evaluate. But with adherence they reject so many
stalwarts of the then society-this Aurobindo, this Gandhi, the Ramkrishna,
the [imitationist] Goswamins-they summarily reject them all. But
Mahaprabhu, Bhagavatam, Gita-they are all-in-all. I had an attraction, a
taste for them. I could identify with them.
Still, there was some sort of objection. One was that Guru Maharaj comes
from a Kayastha family, that is considered sudra, and I come from a
brahmana pandits' family of great honor in the society. Ostensibly, and
brahmana should have been suitable; in this way some sort of objection was
felt in me. Then, when I went to Mayapur I again saw many things that
touched me.
Srila Prabhupad was delivering a lecture to so many gentlemen who had come
from Krsnanagar-educated persons. In another place the elderly Sripad
Bhakti Pradip Tirtha Maharaj was giving a lecture. Somewhere else Sripad
Bhakti Svarupa Parvvat Maharaj was found writing receipts, collecting funds
from the people. It was a hive of activity. I felt a transcendental,
happy atmosphere there.
When the celebration was over, Guru Maharaj was sitting in a canvas chair
on the verandah of his room, and many persons were offering him obeisance's
and going home. At that time he was speaking, giving some discourse. I
was always very eager to hear him. He was saying, "Don't cheat me, you
people." I was alert. What? Where was the question on cheating him? Why
cheating?! Everyone was invited, they came, and now they are leaving; what
was his point about 'cheating'?
Then the next thing he said was, "You all came with the understanding that
you will engage yourselves in the Service of Krsna, and so I have entered
into some relationship with you. And now, only as a fashion you have
attended this ceremony and you are going home to engage yourselves in
worldly affairs; but your assurance to me was that you would all serve
Krsna, but... disappointed..." Then he continued, "You may say 'Oh, I have
got some important business and after finishing this I shall come and join
you as soon as possible' but no, no! If you tell me there is just a little
fire and after extinguishing the fire you will return, then I say that is
also not necessary. If fire burns the whole world you so not lose
anything. Rather you are spared if you can disconnect from those things
that are burnt. All your positive engagement, your inner hankering, has
corresponding things in Krsna. All your necessities and hankering will be
satisfied in the service of the Holy Lotus Feet of Krsna, and nowhere
else." He was speaking so forcefully.
I was wonder struck. I thought, I would never hear anywhere in this living
world such intense necessity for Krsna-bhajana-so I must throw my head
here. It was then that I took the decision that I must be a disciple here.
Before my mother died she had had some apprehension that 'he is my eldest
son but he will become a sannyasi without completing my sraddha ceremony
[last rites]; then who will do my sraddha ceremony?' So when she passed, I
went home and completed the sraddha and after finishing that I came, in the
last part of April, to join the math. At first, I said that my two younger
brothers would finish their studies and take to their vocations, and then I
would come away [from the family and join].
But Sripad Bharati Maharaj and others said that I had a great opportunity.
They pressed, "No, no! Krsna has taken your wife, and Krsna has taken your
mother. He has done enough for you. Really if you neglect to avail
yourself of the chance, perhaps some other obstacle will come and this life
will be spoiled with no hope."
I asked, "What are you saying?' They said, "Come immediately." I took
that advice and joined immediately. I was living together with my two
brothers in a hostel, and they came with me. They went back crying, I
remained in the math.
I stayed at the Calcutta math for some time. I was requested to do some
service in the press there, but I was not particularly inspired by the
press work of proofreading, etc. I had much liking for the preaching-to go
on kirtan and preach. So, I was next sent on a preaching tour.
The first stop was at the Dumurkonda math [in Bengal] and from there to
Benares, then to Vrndavan. There, there was nagar-kirtan for some time,
then I was taken to Delhi where there was door-to-door collection for some
time. Then Kuruksetra math was established and I was made math commander
there, and then I was alone. A small village-town and the place of
Kuruksetra. That is a solitary place except for during the solar eclipse
when there is a great rush of hundreds of thousands of people. Doing
collection, I passed about two or three years there. Then the Delhi math
was founded and I was in charge there. Then I visited Simla and other
places for preaching.
Every year in August we had to come back to the Calcutta Math celebration
for one month. So when I came back here I was taken by Sripad Bhakti Hrday
Bon Maharaj and Sri Hayagriva Prabhu [later Sripad Bhakti Dayita Madhav
Maharaj] in a party towards Madras side, installing the footprints of
Mahaprabhu. Then again upon returning, the Bagh Bazaar Math was opened,
and from the original rented house in Ulta Danga the Deities were moved in
procession in a chariot to Bagh Bazaar Math, and a one-month festival was
held there. After that Prabhupad went on that year establishing and
installing those Pada-pitha [footprints of Mahaprabhu] up to Mangalgiri,
near Bejoyda, Kobhur, and so on.
Then he went to Madras and declared the opening of Madras Gaudiya Math and
put us there. We rented a house. Sripad Bon Maharaj was the leader, and
the senior sannyasi. In the meantime I was given sannyasa, recommended by
Sripad Bon Maharaj. He said about me, "He can preach well; he's a good
preacher rather than a canvasser." I had a B.A., and I was known as
Ramendrasundar Bhattacharya, B.A. My duty was to approach the people and
introduce the sannyasins, and more or less I had the work of a canvasser.
But Sripad Bon Maharaj said, "He's not a good canvasser but a good
preacher. He can speak Hari-katha very well." Then I was given sannyasa
in October, 1930, and after installing footprints of Mahaprabhu one by one
in various places, Prabhupad opened the Math in Madras [as above
mentioned], and we were left there and began preaching for three years or
so.
Then there was Vrndavan parikrama, circumambulation of the whole of
Vrndavan. We joined that program, and then Sripad Bon Maharaj went to
England for preaching, and I was in charge of Madras math. The temple was
constructed almost in my time. Later, Bombay math was opened, and I was
again taken there. I lived there for some time, and later was taken with
the general party with Prabhupad. Staying most of the time with Prabhupad,
we preached in different places of Bengal. At 5:30 a.m. on 1st January,
1937, Prabhupad left the world.
Before this, Prabhupad had wanted me to go for preaching to London, but I
said, "I am not fit for this-I can't follow their accent, and I don't have
the tendency to mix with them very closely. So you will spend money to
send me, but I won't be able to show any satisfactory result. Of course,
if you order me I must go, but I am just informing you what I am." Then he
sent Sriyukta A.B. Goswami Prabhu [later Sripad Bhakti Saranga Goswami
Maharaj] instead of me.
When Prabhupad became ill, I attended his sickbed. Just one day before his
departure he called for me, and he asked me to chant Sri Rupa-manjaripada.
At that time I was not accustomed to leading the kirtan. I was
hesitating-Sriyukta Kunja Babu, later Sripad Bhakti Vilas Tirtha Maharaj,
asked one Brahmachari Prabhu, "You go on singing." Then he began singing,
but Prabhupad felt dissatisfaction. He said, "I don't want to hear the
tone or sweet sound. Then that Brahmachari Prabhu stopped and I had to
sing Sri Rupa-manjaripada. And the others said, "Prabhupad has given you
admission to the Rasa-seva section."
About one year before this, I composed a Sanskrit poem about Srila
Bhaktivinoda Thakur, and Srila Prabhupad was very happy with this. When I
first read it to him, he remarked, " A very happy style." Next, I heard,
he said to Sripad Srauti Maharaj, "This poem is so fine, it is not written
by him-it is written by Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur himself, and has come out
through him. It is so appreciable." Once, he said to Sriyukta Aprakrta
Prabhu, "I'm satisfied that what I came to say will remain after me-I find
in this sloka [verse] the siddhanta [perfect theological conclusion]".
sri-gauranumatam svarupa-viditam rupagrajenadrtam~
rupadyaih parivesitam raghuganair asvaditam sevitam~
jivadyair abhiraksitam suka-siva-brahmadi sammanitam~
sri-radha-pada-sevanamrtam-aho! tad datum iso bhavan
"That which is the Gracious Gift of Sri Gaurachandra, the deep, internal
purport of which is known by Sri Svarup Damodar, that which is adored by
Sri Sanatan Goswami, and distributed by the Rasa-tattvacharyyas headed by
Sri Rupa Goswami; that which is tasted and enriched by Sri Raghunath Das
Goswami and followers, and tenderly protected by Sri Jiva Goswami and his
company; and that which is venerated from afar by the great personages like
Mahadev, lord of the gods, and Brahma, grandfather of the world-aho! marvel
of marvels, that ecstatic nectar of the Exclusive Service of the Lotus Feet
of Sri Radha-you hold the perfect position to mercifully give even that to
us."
Before this also, I wrote an article for the spiritual newspaper Nadiya
Prakash, and Prabhupad remarked to Sripad Sraman Maharaj, who was the
editor, "If you can gather this type of article to publish in your paper,
the standard of your paper will be raised. Such articles are desirable to
be published." Anyhow, he appreciated my understanding and realization.
There are many other instances.
Sagar Maharaja:: I heard that Srila Prabhupad praised you as Sastra-nipuna.
Srila Sridhar Maharaj: Oh. In Madras, in the 'Gaudiya', Gaudiya Math's
leading weekly paper, there was published one siddhanta. The birthday of
Srimati Visnupriya Devi and the birthday of our Guru Maharaj were
mistakenly transposed. Both are panchami [fifth lunar day]. Srimati
Visnupriya Devi's is on panchami of the bright moon fortnight, and
Prabhupad's is on panchami of the dark moon fortnight. But they were
transposed-Prabhupad to the bright fifth and Srimati Visnupriya Devi to the
dark fifth. I read it carefully, and I thought the basis of the
philosophizing was wrong. Why has Krsna-sakti come on the bright moon, and
Gaura-sakti on the dark moon? I found it should be just the opposite.
I showed it to Sripad Bon Maharaj, considering it a grave error. He
suddenly took up the pen and wrote a letter to the effect, "What is this?
We thought that the editors have some touch with the reality and what they
write has some real connection with the sentiment, but how can this sort of
error be possible from them? Have they no srauta-connection? All
concoction!" So it was detected, and an amendment was published in later
issue.
When Prabhupada was there, the books "Ray Ramananda", "Relative Worlds" and
"Brahma-samhita" were published. It was mentioned that when Mahaprabhu
went to Vrndavan He met Sri Rupa and Sri Sanatan Goswamins on the way. But
I clearly knew that He met them when returning from Vrndavan, so I
objected. Anyway, I didn't take it to Prabhupad's notice, but it must have
come to his notice that Sridhar Maharaj detected all these things. On the
occasion of his Vyasa-Puja, Prabhupad delivered a written address, and
there he mentioned before my name, "Sastra-nipuna Sridhar Maharaj-he has
very deep knowledge in the Scriptures"; that was his consideration.
Sagar Maharaja: And about discovering the place of Sri Ramananda Ray?
Srila Sridhar Maharaj: Yes, when I was called from Uttar Pradesh to join
the Madras party, before that my name was Sri Ramendrasundar Bhattacharyya.
But now he converted my name into Sri Ramananda Das, and with this name he
sent me with a group to find out the place of the conversation between
Sriman Mahaprabhu and Sri Ramananda Ray, and to install the Pada-pitha
[footprints of Mahaprabhu] there.
At that time I delivered a short lecture in Raj-mahendry about that
conversation of Sriman Mahaprabhu and Sri Ramananda Ray at Kobhur, and I
heard from Sripad Krsnadas Babaji Maharaj that Sripad Bon Maharaj was of
the opinion that this speech was extremely appreciable, and that it
contained the most precious Teachings. Hare Krsna.
Sagar Maharaja: That Temple where you installed the Pada-pith is still
existing today?
Srila Sridhar Maharaj: Yes. During our time the Deities were installed by
Prabhupad, but there was only that Pada-pith mandir. A separate mandir was
established after Prabhupad, perhaps by Sripad Bhakti Vilas Tirtha Maharaj.
Later, myself as a sannyasi and Sri Hayagriva Prabhu as a white-clad
brahmachari, who was later Sripad Madhava Maharaj, worked together.
Also, I collected funds from the Raja of Jeipur [Orissa] for the Madras
Temple. That is also history. Their new I.C.S. was Mr. O. Pulla Reddy.
He was appointed 'Dewan' [government official] of Jeipur. Because that is
an adivasi [indigenous peoples] area, a special sort of rule was introduced
there by the British. The Dewan is more powerful than the King.
We came from Madras with some recommendation from the Chief Justice, Mr.
Rameshan, to meet the Raja of Jeipur. Then, the Raja promised to pay the
cost of the Madras Temple, but he kept requesting us, "Approach the Dewan,
and he, and not I, will give you the money. So go and consult the higher.
I am only giving my sign of approval, but the money will be paid by him.
So meet him." I had heard that he was half-atheistic man, so I was
hesitant to approach hem. I said, "No, you are King, you are master, so it
is better that you will give the money", and so on, but he insisted again
and again. "No. You will have to meet the Dewan."
But when I met the Dewan, it was just the opposite. The Dewan said, "Oh,
I'm the last man to pay you this amount, ten thousand, to build the temple
at Madras. If you would be building it here, then I could have some
consideration; people here would have some recreation in the temple. But
these poor people, half-fed and half-clad-if we get any money in excess, I
must give an order for this luxury of constructing a temple; and that, too,
is in Madras town. Go there and collect funds to construct your temple."
Then I thought this is a hopeless case, so drastic medicine must be
applied. So I came out with this sloka of Srimad-Bhagavatam:
vikriritam vraja-vadhubhir idam cha visnoh~
sraddhanvito 'nusrnuyad atha varnayed yah~
bhaktim param bhagavati pratilabhya kamam~
hrd-rogam asv apahinoty achirena dhirah
I said to him, "You want to help the adivasis, and I also want to help
them. But your help is in a particular way, and my help is in another way,
It has been told in the Scriptures that to hanker for something [in this
world] is a heart-disease. It is mentioned in Bhagavatam by Sukadev
Goswami, 'kamam hrd-rogam.'
"'I want this, I want that, I want thousands, I want millions-that is
heart-disease, and not real. When I was a hog, I devoured a hillock of
stools, but hunger is not appeased. When I was an elephant I finished a
whole forest, but hunger is not finished.' So hunger can never be finished
in this way.
"There are so many who have amassed millions, still they say, 'No, this is
very little, I want more, more.' So this is heart-disease, and in the
Bhagavatam Sukadev Goswami has given the medicine for this.
Vikrirtam...when you can accommodate the Absolute to have His full,
unrestricted play, and use His ownership with everything, every atom in the
creation-if you can accommodate such a conception of the Absolute with the
environment, then you can get out of this heart-disease. There's no other
way.'"
The man was impressed. Tears fell from his eyes. "Swamiji, I believe in God."
"Your eyes bear testimony to that."
"I shall pay your money, he said. But not just now; go to Madras, I shall
pay." He sent the money, and the Madras Temple was constructed.
My preaching was not that of the false canvasser, but straight dealing;
dealing with the plain truth. Not any coaxing or indirect way, flattering,
or by sweet words to somehow rob the man. Straight talk, straight dealing
representation. My guide was, 'why have I come here?' What fascination
brought me here? I tried my best to represent that fascination to them.
'This is the cause for preaching-you must appreciate such cause. I have
got appreciation in this line, and I don't think that I did wrong.' Every
moment I think I'm justified to accept this principle and to march on, in
this line.
After the disappearance of Guru Maharaj there were trustees appointed by
him and he said to make a governing body... But unfortunately for
us........ there were many discrepancies and the mission could not be kept
together.
Although I thought that I must try my best to purify the movement,
according to my conscience, it was not to be so. So I thought I must leave
silently. My principle wouldn't be to try to fight again amongst one
another to purify the mission. That was my mentality. Others, stalwarts,
could not tolerate the discrepancies and they were fighting.
I was somewhat still associated when there was a case, and some stalwart
Godbrothers were jailed and the case went on. I couldn't leave like a
coward, but after perhaps a year the case was finished, they were release,
and I went to Vrndavan leaving the association of the Math. I don't care
for such fighting.
They tried their best to keep me with them but I said it was not possible
for me to remain in the association of [what was now becoming] quarreling
elements. I stayed there at Govardhan for a month, and completing the
Urjja vrata there, I took Govardhan Sila and came here and hired a house
for two rupees per month. When I returned from Vrndavan I met my previous
brother [my brother from my family], Mani Babu. He was in the service of
the railway. I asked him to give me ten rupees per month for a few months.
He agreed and did so for two or three months, and with that I came here.
Gradually the others tried to find out where I was. Finally they found me
out and they began to visit me now and then. Whenever they came they would
bring some gift or so.
Sriyukta Sakhi Charan Ray secured this plot [where Sri Chaitanya Saraswat
Math stands today]. He purchased it with his own money. Here I began my
'heart-service' in a cottage here. 1942 on Rathayatra Day I entered that
cottage with Govardhan Sila. Before that I lived for some with Sripad
Kesav Maharaj in that rented house, and sometimes in Midnapore Math with
high people like Sripad Yayavar Maharaj, Sripad Madhav Maharaj and others.
But here I was separated. Only one person was with me, then after some
time another person with a few gentlemen of Orissa came, and some other
Godbrothers also came. Then Sripad Govinda Maharaj, as a boy, Sri Gaurendu
Brahmachari, and others came.
Sripad Krsnadas Babaji said to me, "You please give attention to this Sri
Gaurendu Brahmachari; he's very intelligent and qualified." I tried to
give a little more attention to Gaurendu Brahmachari, but others could not
tolerate that. I wanted to help him by Sanskrit education, etc., but they
could not tolerate that, and they gave a proposal that we must prepare a
deed. By that time this building had already been constructed in 1943.
Two persons who had stayed with me for some time now demanded a document
naming three Godbrother trustees, two themselves and one of whom was to be
myself.
I then asked according to which law it would be managed. They said by
majority vote, which meant that whenever they combined they could do
anything with me they liked. So I said, "I avoided remaining in the
company of many respected Sannyasins and so many others. I came to live
alone. That does not mean that you both will guide me. I can't accept
this." They began to revolt and disturb. There was a compromise.
Sripad Goswami Maharaj and Sripad Madhav Maharaj came. There was about
five thousand rupees in the bank and another thousand or so was to be paid
to them, and then I would be here with absolute proprietorship. Sripad
Goswami Maharaj came to my help; he gave a loan of four thousand, and
Sripad Yayavar Maharaj and others collected some funds from different
parts, then seven thousand was given up, and then from that time I am here.
This is the history.
I do not go for preaching very often. I'm almost always sitting here, and
I very rarely go out in the previous style. Sripad Madhav Maharaj was
always very affectionately accusing me, "You are denying the educated
section of the people. Sitting here idle, you are denying the people. You
have quality and capacity to preach Mahaprabhu's Teachings, especially to
educated section, but you do not do so." Whenever he came he would always
charge me. Almost every year, after completing the Gaura-purnima
celebrations he used to visit me, and he would charge me! And also, every
year for his Calcutta Math celebration I used to go and deliver lectures
there. In this way, days have passed.
I first came to meet Sripad A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Maharaj in Allahabad
when I was white-clad [before sannyasa]. After that I came here [Bengal],
and then went to Madras. It was probably just before 1930 when I met him
at Allahabad. At that time he was an agent of Karttik Bose Laboratories.
He was taken to the Math. Prabhupad was not there then. 1933 or so after
Vraja-mandal parikrama Prabhupad came back to Allahabad for lying the
foundation stone, and at that time he met Prabhupad on a few visits and
took initiation. You are already familiar with my relationship with him.
(end of conversation)
(Hearing and discussing about the lives of great saintly persons also
relieves us of the hrd-rogam, heart disease. Therefore, comments and
questions are welcomed concerning the above. Thank you. Gosai)
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